On moving to Virginia:

Brandan (aka Hapmon) and I (Webstergirl) were having a lovely conversation earlier about the joys of moving north. This is my life.

Hapmon: I don't like the idea of commuting, but I feel like it's a necessary evil

Webstergirl: I know, it just seems more logical to live further south than to pay an arm and a leg to live up north.

Hapmon: no kidding!

Webstergirl: but, I love you, and if sacrificing my limbs will make you happy....

Hapmon: I understand... I'm trying to decide which will fetch a higher price. Your arms or your legs.

Hapmon: Maybe there's a doctor that could help me appraise them.

Webstergirl: I'm going to guess the legs.

Hapmon: Ah... I do like your legs though, this will requie more deliberation.

True love.

A perpetual state of boredom.

The list of homework continues to grow as my ability to pay attention slowly dimishes into nothingness.

I bought a wedding dress. Yes ma'am I did. (Ma'am because I don't think there are any boys who read this blog, but if you happen to be male, then insert "sir" into the predescibed slot). It is terribly cute and has been described as

"Unique!"

"Beautiful!"

and

"Fantastic!"

among other things. I don't really want to post a picture because occasionally Mr. B pops his little head in over here and I would hate to ruin the surprise! I will just say that there is a lace jacket and a large bow involved. Woot!

Also, in regard to wedding accomplishments:

• Designed invitations, and I'm a currently working on acquiring the needed supplies.
• Started working on the decor. We're having the ring ceremony and reception at my parent's home. Currently we are set to have an "au natural" ring ceremony, complete with picnic blankets, in a grove on their property, followed by a reception in the backyard under a canopy of lights and lanterns strung between the forest and the house.
• BRIDESMAID DRESSES! Yes, I picked them. Yes, they are freaking amazing. We are making them ourselves. My mom, and a friend of hers are, I'll help if I am in the right state at the time. But we choose dark brown and cream/khaki colored heavy linen fabric to recreate this beautiful 1950's wrap dress. the darker colorw ill be on the outside, while the lighter color will be on the under-dress bits.
• I have also managed to gather the majority of my addresses! Yeeeeha!

Aside from all of the wedding fun that I've been up to, I got to go home for Easter and see the fam. Mr. B and I drove up to north on Thursday, arriving in the wee morning hours of Friday. We then slept four a few hours before getting up and going over to his parent's home. There we were given a mutlitude of fun kitchen things and random furniture pieces for our future home. The rejects and mis-fits.

Saturday we spent the day with my family. The same amount of sleep was had, but the morning started with French toast instead of cheerios. I unknowingly dragged Mr. B to a fabric store with my mom and her friend. I thought we were just returning some fabric when, in actuality we were buying more. So B walked around looking at random art supplies while I was torchered into picking a dress pattern and fabric. It was bad. I had to watch him with his puppy eyes and growling stomach as he said "no worries, I'm fine." If I had known that was the plan, I would've left him at home! After the fabric store boredom we went home, dyed eggs, had company, ate dinner, played "never have I ever," had cake and rice-crispy treats, said goodnight to every one, and then stayed up until 1 am talking about finances.

Sunday I woke up thinking church was at 9, but it wasn't, so I went back to bed and got up at a more reasonable hour.

Food

Packed

Sacrament Meeting

Hugs

4 hours of driving

1 hour nap

4 more hours of driving.

Tennessee.

That was my weekend.

I have a friend who is hosting a bridal shower for me this Friday, so I am pretty excited about that. I don't really know what to expect, but I think I have about 10 friends who are going to come. It should be fun! And now I am just avoiding homework. I think I shall go and take my nap now. Woot!

A prior engagement...

So when Brandan and I decided to get married we had a few things to get in order first. At the time there was no ring, no official proposal. There was a promise - and that was enough.

This is the first picture of Brandan and I after we started dating. If you want to know more about each of us, check out our blog!

In May Brandan and I started dating, and I knew the first night that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He and I had been friends for many years, and he had seen me through so many hard times, that I honestly could not imagine my life with out him. I could go on and on about how perfect he is, and how he is the perfect compliment to crazy - me! A few weeks after we started dating the topic of marriage came up, and by the end of the conversation we had decided to get married.

Shortly after I told my parents we were going to get married, my mother offered a family heirloom diamond for us to use in my engagement ring. I'm a rather sappy person, so this was extremely exciting to me. My mom put the ring in a "tooth fairy" box that belong to my sister, and I gave the ring to Brandan.

(Apparently my picture went missing, I hate having

dead links. Maybe I will find the picture again....)

I was still learning how to use my camera, and I wish I had done a better job of photographing

this before we had the diamond reset. At least I have these pictures!

At the end of the summer I went back to school with a promise. The cat was out of the bag and every one knew our plans, but I was still ringless. I did not think this was a big deal, but apparently it is. Because Brandan had not officially proposed, I was subject to many awkward "So let's see that ring!?" moments, and then an explanation about the lack of gold on my finger. There wasn't much I could do about it though, with Brandan going to school 4 hours away we didn't get to see each other very often, but we probably spent more time talking than people who live in the same city.

Brandan and my parents made the eight hour trip with me and all of my belongings back to school. It was a long drive, but we made it one day. Brandan came to help me move in, and I was so greatful. It was the middle of August, and it was the last time we would get to see each other for a while. We spent the night in my new apartment, and the next morning I waived goodbye to Brandan, Mom and Dad. I cried. No lies.

A few weeks later I went to visit him. We had been talking about getting the diamond set, and I was worried he was going to spend too much money on it. I really just wanted something simple. So, instead of letting him flounder around and try and guess what I want, Brandan and I went to the local jewler at his school, and I picked out a simple gold setting. They took the diamond out of the original setting, and said it would be a week or two, that they would call Brandan when it was ready.

When the time rolled around Brandan called me to tell me he had picked up the ring. At this point I preceded to beg for a picture. He was relentless, and he said I would have to wait for it. I knew we would be seeing each other in a few weeks, so I knew that I was going to get it eventually, but I'm not very good at waiting!

Before I went back to school my Dad had bought two tickets to one of my University football games. I think he was planning on dragging my mom along, but the plans changed, and he brought Brandan instead - picking him up along the way. The evening of September 12th they rolled into town. My dad went off to meet up with some old college friends (He went to the same school I go to now) and Brandan and I decided to go for a walk. The weather was hot and balmy, that's September in Tennessee for you! I live really close to World's Fair Park, and so we walked over there. We wet up into the Sun Sphere because Brandan had never been up there, and then we walked around the park, eventually settling on a concrete bench on the pond, across from the sunsphere. I sat on the bench, and Brandan stood in front of me, holding my hands. He said some very sweet things, and then pulled the gold box out of his pocket and asked me to spend the rest of eternity with him. I don't remember if I actually answer him when he asked me to marry him. I was too busy kissing and hugging and trying not to cry - but I'm sure I got my point across. Walking back to my apartment I had the biggest smile on my face, and it felt amazing.

There you have it! These were the first pictures I took of my ring. My dad came back from his dinner, and I showed him. Of course - none of this was a surprise, but actually having something that makes it real feels good.

The next day Brandan and I met up with my Dad to go to the football game. I had a seat in the student section, but I moved into the upper level seating so I could sit with them!

My new ring with Neyland Stadium in the background!

Brandan and I infront of the opening "Power T"

The weekend felt so short. My dad left Saturday, and Brandan stayed the rest of the weekend - I drove him home the following Monday. Now armed with the commercialized symbol of Love I was off to show all of the people who had previous rolled their eyes when I didn't have "the ring."

Honestly, it is wonderful to have a physical reminder of the promises we've made to each other, but I think that the real testament to our relationship is the way my stomach flutters when I hear his voice, or when I feel like crying tears of joy everytime we are reuinited. He has always been there for me, and he has seen through so many hard times, that I know he's here to stay - he's mine for keeps. No amount of jewlery is going to prove that. That being said... I'll still take it if you're giving it to me!

Roll with the punches...

A few days ago some of my family told me that they would not be attending my wedding, for various reason. That really hurt my feelings. I've gone to their things, even though it was different from my own faith - but apparently tolerence only applies to certain people. It's disappointing, but I know that my family loves me, and it's going to be ok.

In other news! When that small internal crisis had passed, something else blows up. That something else being Becca's spleen. So... it hasn't exploded yet - but it sucks. A week ago she was diagnosed with mono, and they told her that he spleen was very swollen. So, they put her on some pain killers and told her to wait it out. Well... now she has a kidney infection, so she can't take the pain meds, OR her asthma medicines. It sucks to be Becca right now. I feel so bad and helpless. Not that I would be any more help if I were in the same state, but all I can do is spam her with messages of encouragment. 

Sometimes I just want a little sympathy. I want some one to say "yeah, that does suck - I'm sorry!" and then let me move on. When people tell me that my worries are not warrented, or that my feelings are invalid - it just makes me more upset. The last week has had plenty of emotional events, throw that on top of it being the week before the curse, and all I want to do is sleep. As I so ellogquently informed B-man this morning "the oxygen supply to my uteral lining has currently been cut off, and I don't know if that's ever happened to you - but it's rather painful right now... so give me a break. I'll be nicer tomorrow."

On a happier note! My bff Chrissy is coming down to visit me for her (super early) spring break. It is Wednesday, and she will be here on FRIDAY! Like... when I wake up tomorrow, I will be seeing Chrissy that next day. It is beautiful. We have Friday - Tuesday. My birthday is on Monday, and then she is going down south a little bit to visit some other friends, and then coming back up, stopping at my apartment for the night, and then Saturday she is driving home to NoVa and I am driving to VA Tech to pick up b-man, since he doesn't have a car. Then we get to spend a whole week together!

It really sucks being so far away.  For a while Brandan and I were reading scriptures together every night, but with the different homework loads (neither of us has as much as the other at the same time!) so we don't do it together very often. We have read books together, but we finished that one. I guess we're kind of taking a break from the reading together for a while. That's ok. I hate reading. We also send each other pictures so that there is always something new. I write him letters, and usually I scan and e-mail it to him, but once a week I actually write him a card or letter and mail it off.

I'm sure every one has spent some time away from their S.O., so how have you dealt with it? Did you have any "traditions" to help you guys stay on the same page?

How much more?

So the other day I wrote this beautiful long blog entry about getting engaged, and I included pictures and everything and it was so wonderful. I showed it to Brandan and it warented an "awww! I love you!!!" from him. That means it was good. In any case, Blogger decided it was not worth holding on to and has thus disappeared from any one's reading scope. Normally I would just re-write the entry, trying to recreate the feelings I was having at the time, but I am currently so over whelmed with negative emotions that any hope of rekindling that flame is gone, for now. One day I will get around to it again (and I will save it on my hard drive before publishing!). 

In the mean time, I am rather upset, as of lately. Some of my extended family has (not so) graciously informed me that either a) I am not planning a wedding that meets their expectations, or b) they would rather go on vacation. Yes. You read that correctly. Noting that the vacation plans where made months after I announced my wedding date AND them saying that the wedding is too close to school starting (let me get this straight... it's ok to go on vacation the week before school starts, but going to one of your counsin's weddings is too much to ask? Oh, you only have 8 counsins to begin with? oh... ok... I understand. not.) I'll just cut to the chase.

That really hurts my feelings that I do not deserve your love and support at this time. Heck, what is family for? In any case, I have been rather worked up over this whole thing, and I have a head ache, and I'm going to take a nap. 

The End.

Meh! Holy cow. lol. I'm just trying to get through my days right now. I know this seems lame - but after spending 10 days straight with Brandan I am constantly almost in tears because I can't stand being all alone. Boo. Thankfully Christmas break is just around the corner. Tomorrow I will edit my draft and finish my 10 page paper for Environment Issues, Tuesday and Wednesday will be devoted to my Child Psych exam. My other exams don't have a book, or a study guide - so that should be interesting. Ah! Now... it's 8 pm. I'm tired... soo guess what! I'm actually going to bed.

woot!

meh.

Oh goodness gracious great balls of fire. Maybe I'm experiencing a little case of jealously. I got engaged way back in... May techincally, but Sept 12 "officially" - and we're waiting until August to get married. A very close family friend just got engaged at the end of October.... and they are getting married in February. I don't know why it bothers me so much, maybe I feel like he's kind of showing me up, or maybe I'm just jealous that he'll be married before me - either way it really bothers me. I'll get over it.

ummm... what?

So... any one watch that presidential stuff last night? I'm slightly perturbed, but handling it well.

Buh bye Fulmer...

Spent the weekend with my Bran-man, drove back to UT Sunday night. I got to chat with my BFF Chrissy from high school, and then I spoke with my mom on the phone for a while. The four hour trip went by really quickly. That was nice.

When I went to get my football ticket today I found out that Phillip Fulmer has resigned. He will finish out the season, and then he'll be done. It's kind of a weird feeling - I mean, I knew it was going to happen, but it just seems so out of place. Who's the new coach going to be?

Other than that - all of the views that I follow are of people who are "recently" married, and those who have little tiny children and babies and ah! My ovaries are constantly twitching. Too cute!!! Ah!

I wish I could start this journal entry out with "Brandan and I went to the football game..." but alas, B-man is 250 miles away working his little heart out on a class project. I went to the football game with some friends from church though, and I had a really good time, despite losing. We were playing Alabama, and it was a decent game for a while, but honestly - I'm glad we lost because now there is a good chance we will get a new coach. Change is good.

I am no closer to having a wedding planned, but I am kind of leaning towards a light blue color. Maybe. I'm not sure. We'll see. That's all I have for this evening. I was waiting to read scriptures with the B-man, but he has a lot of work to get done, so it might just be me tonight.

Go Vols!

Looks like a small turn around. We kicked some butt this evening. There were only a couple of "Holy-cow-what-the-heck-are-you-doing-CATCH-THE-BALL!!!" moments. There were more "YEAH!" moments. So... that's good. In any case, Football = good.

I haven't seen Brandan in a week, and I don't think we're going to see each other again until the beginning of November. I keep pretending that it's not that bad, but it really sucks being so far away. We have 9 months and 28 days. Nine month and twenty-eight days until I can fall asleep next to B man every night and wake up twenty time in the night to make him stop snoring. Lol, romantic, I know. ;) It's just that he's four hours away, and it sucks. Mostly... I'm cold right now from being at the game and I wish we were snuggling right now. Boo.

New things in my life; I got my first credit card. Nothing too excited. I have a five hundred dollar limit, but that won't mean anything, since I have no intetions of every actually using it for more than 20 bucks a month. That way I know I can pay it off.

I had my first girl-dr visit last week. That was fun. I'll be starting birth control in a few weeks. Fun stuff, I know. I also had a dr. appt for my hip, and I have been sentenced to some more physical therapy. Probably a couple of months. We'll see. I don't know how the Christmas break is going to go with that - I will probably have to do stuff on my own. lol. I'm supposed to do that on my own any ways, I'll need to blow up my yoga ball again.

The end. I am just waiting for Brandan's game to end, so that he can call and we can read scriptures together. Then I'll climb into bed.

Virginia Technically...

So... right now I am sitting in the Computer Science "lounge" thingy at Virginia Tech while Brandan is chillin' it up in his Algorithms class. Yes - buckets and buckets of fun, I know. On Friday I drove up here to visit B-man for the weekend. The days just seem to fly by - I don't now where the time goes, but half of my wishes it would last longer, and the wiser smarter half of me goes "heck yes! We're getting closer to August!" lol.

Where did the time go, and why did it stop moving?

Summer came to a screeching halt as Brandan and I parted ways to head back to school. I'm all moved into my spiffy new apartment, I'm loving my roommates, and trying my best to enjoy UT. I had planned on transferring, and while that plan was very real, and very close to happening - even when I was "going" to BYU, it felt so out of reach - like I knew it would never physically materialize with me living it Utah. Brandan came down the second weekend in August and actually proposed - got down on one knee and asked me to spend eternity with him. I know I'm kind of breezing threw all of this, but eh! Oh well. lol. So, now I'm engaged, I have a ring (for some reason it's a big deal. My mom said "Well... since you have to be engaged for a year, at least you got a pretty ring to show people!" gah! I would rather just have my Bran-man.).

I'm loving my roommates, but especially my suitemate, A. She is hilarious. She is constantly talking about awkward things - but with out being terribly awkward. Fantastic! I feel empty if I don't see her all day. It seems like the summer went by so quickly, and now that I'm at school it's moving at a snails pase, but A helps things move along with her fantastic humor.

Last night I stayed up until... seven in the morning working on a stupid paper. Gah! Tonight I am going to my last few classes, then heading to wal*mart to pick up some stuff and then going to bed so that I can get up in the morning. I am leaving tomorrow to go up to VT to visit B for the weekend! I am terribly excited and I can't wait to hug him. Ah! I miss just being with him. :P

oh how the time flies!

So... my summer is nearly over. It's kind of crazy how things work out. I thought this summer would fly by quickly, and I can only hope that the year disappears just the same. B-man's baptism was yesterday! It was not a day I had ever dreamed of - but it was a fantastic day none-the-less. I am so lucky to have him in my life.

Last Thursday I drove up to his place, spent the night and then left with him and his brother & sister-in-law to go up north for a family reunion. It was interesting because my family doesn't do things like that... and if they do they don't invite me. Haha. There were a bunch of people there, I saw Tom and Hope again, as well as their kiddos... I really like seeing them. We stopped at their house on the way back to Virginia for dinner.

School starts in two weeks... which seems kind of ridiculous to me! I'm not ready for that. This year should be easier - especially since I have B-man. :D

Cookies, any one?

So today I started making chocolate chip cookies... but apparently today is not my day because I could not follow the recipe to save my life! I put the sugar in with the flour, and then had to kind of separate them because they were supposed to go into separate bowls and I did not have enough flour to just "start over." Then I put the baking soda in the sugar instead of the flour, and that was kind of difficult to fix as well. I microwaved the butter too long, so I had a bowl of mess, and I had to dig out little lumps of hard brown sugar from my almost finished batter. In any case, thank goodness that chocolate chip cookies are like the weeds of the baking world, because the batter turned out just fine - and who really cares what the cookies taste like. At my house the cookies hardly ever make it into cookie form any way. lol. Right now I've got a pan in the oven, and then another pan ready to go in the oven when that one is done. We are going to have at least 30 cookies... and then some cookie dough, or maybe I will make more cookies. Who knows.

B-man is coming over after work today to meet with the missionaries for the third time. We spent the weekend together, he went to church for the second time, and we drove up to the temple and went to the visitors' center up there. Then we took a short stroll around the temple. It was super hot outside. In any case, it was a good weekend, and since we've been spending quite a bit of time together I start to go through little withdrawals when I don't see him for a couple of days in a row. School is going to be absolute torture! he's coming over today, and then on Saturday I'll drive up there for the day. We've got some important things to take care of. Woot! Then we'll probably come back down here for church on Sunday. ((*first batch of cookies is a little darker than I would've liked. Boo.*)) In a couple of weeks I'm sure I'll have more (detailed) information, but until then... I can't really write anything. lol.

Work is going well: I don't mind the crazy morning hours, I'm not sick of it, I enjoy the people I'm working with, and I have a feeling that if I play my cards the right way I could end up getting a lot of hours. lol... really I should say "If I stop being lazy I could get a ton of hours!" But I'm not really a fan of sweat. Oh well. I have three batches of cookies now, so I should probably go invest in some milk... since apparently that is not something we keep on hand for the random from-scratch cookies that often appear out of thin air around here.

Right on Target.

So things have changed a lot since my last update. I'm not going to give too much detail right now - that'll come in a couple of weeks. BUT let's just say life is good. lol. I started dating Brandan about three weeks ago... three weeks and a couple days... I dunno. It was a Tuesday. In any case, he and I go "way back." We went to high school together in Germany for two years. We were in band together and we were both in the play "A Christmas Carol." Since then we've been really great friends - almost five years now. So that is going really well. Maybe it's just because we've known each other for so long, and we just get along really well - but I really love spending time with Brandan.

Ummm... not too much else going on. I got a job at Target working the flow team, so I start work at 4 in the morning, and then I am done by 10:30 in the morning. Yeah! lol. It's a lot of work, and it's kind of tedious work, but it's a lot more entertaining than being a cashier. I'm working with some neat people, and every one was willing to help me out. At target they call the employees "team members" and when I was working the front, I really didn't feel like a part of a "team," but working with the people in the back doing flow is fantastic because every one really works together.

Other than that - my feet hurt, I'm clean because I just took a shower. I miss B-man, and I want to take a nap... but I don't think I should. Unless it really is only a nap. I mean... if I wake up in thirty minutes or an hour - that would be fine, but the way I'm feeling... I'm more likely to just sleep the rest of my day away. I need to go get my prescriptions transferred up here, and then... hmmm.... yeah. Then maybe I won't feel bad about taking a nap. I did get up at 3:20 in the morning. Boo.

So... it's not really a journal - more like a bi-yearly chronicle or something...

Guys are still dumb - but life moves on. J apologized to me the other day for all of the Spring Break drama. Not really sure how things are going to work out, but we'll see. At least we're talking again.

I'm definitely going to BYU. I didn't even bother signing up for my UT classes... so now there isn't even another option. I'M MOVING TO UTAH! Crazy - I know. But it should be good for me, the last couple of months were pretty ridiculous, so a change of pace will be good for me.

Now I'm hoooooome with my family. <3 LOVE! I've got my baby (the dog!) and we slept on the floor together last night. That is always enjoyable. Especially loving the hard wood floors. Good choice there. lol. Gretel had a bit of her own drama a week ago when a tick embedded itself in her eyelid.... yeah - kind of bad placement. So my Mama had to rescue her. Gretel's eye was all infected and so they had to go to the Doggy Clinic, but she's doing much better now. She's always so happy when I come home, it just makes me smile because she kind of gets this little jump in her step. She's so beautiful. Jimmy the fluff ball is also doing well. Ya know: growing like a weed - a very small weed. Apparently he's not going to get very big. He'll keep his annoying little bark forever. Oh joy.

In any case, just figured I should up date since I'm in a new place, doing different things. As of now I'm working a couple of little part-time jobs for people, and looking for a real job for the summer. I have a feeling I could end up at PetsMart or something of the sorts, but I'm hoping to find something better. We'll see how it goes.

Maybe I should get better at this....

Ok... so I haven't written in a while... and I need to catch up with my 365-picture journal.... maybe I should be working on that. In any case, a lot has happened in the last... 5 months. It's crazy how time flies and life changes. I'm not a teenager any more (holy cow ridiculous!) and I'm definitely facing some things that I never would've imagined. In that last 5 months I have managed to:

• Get my heartbroken: I'm very good at this because I have managed to do this twice. For some reason I only date jerks (if you think that you're a nice guy... stay away!). Oh well, I have learned a lot of things I would've been fine with out, but I'm a better person for it. Things like what to do when you've watched every chick flick you own, how to eat too much ice cream, what happens when you choose to not leave your room for 5 days in a row.
• Survive a mental breakdown: This isn't as easy as it sounds. Despite having dealt with moving around my entire life, for some reason the last two years has been a little ridiculous. Well, throw in a little extra stress, a major lack of sleep, and too much homework, and things just start to fall apart.
• First car accident: It wasn't that bad... some one tried to merge into me on I-40... well, they didn't just try, they DID. So, now I have a lovely little dent in my pretty little car. It is quite the tragedy.
• Bronchitis: I had bronchitis for a month straight... yeah.... it was awful. Thankfully my lungs are only occupied by air and tissue again (less mucus...). You don't realize how enjoyable breathing is, until it's a very hard thing to do.
• Two months physical therapy: Yeah... oh well. Apparently I have "snapping hip syndrome" and "IT Band Friction Syndrome" (ask google...). Let's just leave it at "rather painful" and thank the physical therapy for quite a bit of exercise.
  
• Nanny: She's in the hospital. She's doing a lot better right now, but she's still in a lot of pain. Keep her in yours prayers bitte!
• Transfer: I applied to BYU way back when I was beginning my mental break down. It was done in a "I hope this goes through quickly so that I can leave Tennessee ASAP" but it didn't actually work out like that. So instead I found out over Spring break that I had been accepted... right after i had decided I was probably not going to get in. So, I did get in, and now I am going. Yeah... me... moving to UTAH!!!! It should be interesting.
  

So... that's quite the list. BUT it's okay. Why? Because I know that everything I've been going through has made me a better, stronger person. I have lost some amazing friends because I was too stressed and busy worrying about things I didn't have control over. I lost friends that I really cared about, and who really cared about me. But it's okay, because it's over, and I'm back on the straight and narrow... headed to Utah.

It has been...six monthes!

Goodness, it's a good thing no one reads this journal, because I haven't written in here in forever. Mostly I am just trying to get through college right now.

The University has started referring people to Facebook for more information on events, while my roommate is driving me crazy. I have been assigned to a new room for next year, sans any roommates. So that will be nice. Paul is a missionary in Albania now! Keven is in New York, Jer is in South Africa and David is in Rio de Janiero! Crazy how fast time flies and people just.... grow up!

I feel crushed.

So, here's the deal, me and my two "best friends" were going to get an apartment together. We'll call them Kate and Sarah (sorry if that is some one's name on my flist and I didn't realize it... nothing personal), well. Kate and I have been best friends the whole year, we've been really close, and yeah, I've never connected with some one like I did with her. Sarah moved here about a month ago, and we clicked really well. She graduated last semester, and she's 21, Kate is my age.

Well, I found us a two bed room apartment for the three of us, and Kate and I were going to share a room. Well, I had everything organized, I got my parents to go along with it, even though the whole time they were kind of skeptical, telling me to be really careful, but everything seemed like it was fine. Well, on Saturday (un-known to me) Sarah went to Kate with a proposition that "Jessica doesn't NEED and apartment, she just wants it." and pretty much told Kate (who by the way, just got kicked out of her house for getting baptized, so is... sehr poor with few options) the optimatum "like with me(Sarah), and we can kick Jessica out, or find some where else to live", and Kate definitely doesn't have too many options, and had no where to stay for the summer, so she decided to stay with it. Well, they told me last night, Sarah using the excuse of "I'm just too stressed and I need my space" and yeah... i was "voted off the island"... even though it was my island.

Well, today I talked to my mom, and she said "If the paying for the summer is a problem, talk to Kate and tell her we'de be willing to pay half for the summer, and then just she and I could room together. Well, she felt bad about ditching Sarah... meanwhile, I had until 5 pm today to cancel my housing contract with the university, so pretty much she just let time run out so she didn't have to make a decision. Well, she also chose the girl she's known for a few weeks over the girl she's known the whole year.

I hope they're happy. I will be living in a single room with a complete stranger for an entire year. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to be friends with them any more, but we all have the same friends, and there is no was to avoid them unless I stop going to church.

Where is my brain?

So I titled the last entry "Icee", and I didn't even touch on that...

So yesterday I saw a girl drinking an Icee, and so i was really really craving one. Well, I walked out to my car to go to Wal*mart to get tape and another tub for my stuff, cause I'm packing up to go home. Well, on the way to the car I saw the beautiful Elyse, and stole her to go to wally-world with me. Well, on the way back we stopped at a gas station, with no luck, and so we went back to campus and went to the Pilot, and got 2 large icees for 99 cents each. :D BUT, there was no cherry... so I had to get a coke flavored one... which was not nearly as satisfying. :(

This morning at 10 ish I got up, packed a little bit more, and then called my mom, talked with her for a long time about the apartment, and then I ate lunch with Elyse... turned in her English paper for her... then called my mom and talked some more. Now I am waiting for her to check her e-mail and call me back. That is all.

ICEES!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I am trying to pack up my dorm room, and study for exams, and be cool and fun and responsible all at the same time.... not working out so well.

I got to chat with an old friend of mine. We went to middle school together, and he's on my MSN list, but I am hardly ever on there, so when he signed on, I said hello.

I also wanted to share pictures of the new apartment that I will be moving into next fall.

New Apartment

hell-o

I went apartment hunting today.

Ohmygoodnessshootmenowplease.

That's all I have to say.

A New Day Has Come

BIOLOGY 101 029 LEC 09:40A-10:55A TR
BIOLOGY LAB 03:35P-05:30P W
ECONOMICS 201 023 LEC 11:10A-12:25P TR
ECONOMICS LAB 09:05A-09:55A M
ED INTER 335 001 LEC 03:40P-04:55P TR
EDUC PSYCH 210 004 LEC 05:05P-06:20P TR
MUSC ENSBL 380 001 GMI 12:20P-02:15P MW
POLIT SCI 102 005 LEC 02:10P-03:25P TR
RELIGION 398 001 LEC 06:30P-08:00P W

Here are my classes for next semester. Biology, Intro to Econ, ASL 3, Educational Psychology, Concert Choir, and Intro to Political Science.

18 Hours total. I declared a teaching minor, and now I just need to find a major. It doesn't really matter what I major in, as long as it's in Arts and Sciences. ASL is not in arts and sciences, so I can't do that. I will probably end up doing psychology or something like that. I dunno.

My schedule is really nice though. Monday is Econ lab in the morning, choir at noon, tuesdays and thursday I have class from 9:40 until 6:20, the bulk of it all. And then wednesday I have choir at noon and biology lab from 4- 5:30 and religion from 6:30 to 8. WOOT!!!

What is America coming to...

so earlier today Brandan told me there was a shooting at v-tech. I hadn't heard much about it, I don't watch the news, but I left for choir at "1 dead", left choir at "22 dead" and got back to my dorm room, turned the tv on and the death toll was listed as "31 dead". Brandan's ok... Chrissy... in case you haven't talked to him.

Go to bed! That's what I would do...

Ummm... hello... it is two in the morning (I'm writing a paper) and my suite mate has just decided it's a good time to get in the shower.... what is wrong with this picture? I hate it when she does this, because it means I have to listen to her sing for the next 30 minutes. GAH!

Ummm... in other news.... I hate my english class and all of the obsessive BORING, useless work we've done this semester. That is all.

The young are crazy.

So, for a while now I've been kind of falling in love with this guy, slowly but surely. So... I had been talking with a friend, and had come up with ya know, present the hypothetical scenario "I (me... Jessica), really like this guy... bob... but bob like's a mutual friend of ours... let's call her sue.... little does bob know, sue likes joe. What should I do? Should I tell Bob that I'm falling for him, or just leave it be and ignore it?" And Jon being... Jon... said "honesty is the best policy". So, we talked a little bit more about the situation, and I said that I haven't said anything because I've been hurt badly before, and I don't want it to happen again. Any ways, (this all happened while I was driving him home), when he got out of the car, I half way wanted to just leave it at the hypothetical situation and let him ponder a little bit, but I couldn't, so I said "Jon... you're bob." And there ya go. I told a guy that I like him... that I'm pretty much crazy about him. He was nice enough to let me know that he thought he was really like "sue", but after spending some time with her, realized that he would rather just be friends, and that we will go on a date or 5 (he makes me laugh), and see how things go. I then had to let him know that I was just putting it out there, and he could think on it for a while before saying anything... because i think he felt like I was expecting an answer, but eh.

any who... that's my journal post of the month.

Save me fromt he dark abyss of dark abyssness!

So.. it's been a while...

I keep saying this over and over again, but i understand why my friends that graduated before me disappeared for like a year before they started being socialable. I am DIEING! I have so much school work and church and... parties... lol that I don't have enough time to sit around on my computer any more. It's Thursday, but sadly I was ready for the week to be over on Monday, and Wednesday felt like it should be Friday, and everything was just mixed up, and the week is almost over and I feel like I've missed most of it! Go figure.

Last weekend I went to Nashville with some friends to go to the temple and it was amazing. I had done a session and was waiting for some of my friends. The weather was beautiful, the air was delicious, and everything was perfect. I just did a bit of reading and wrote in my actual journal (which is why this journal is suffering, because I have been writing in my real journal, which only has about 15 pages left in it.). Then on Monday I had to write two papers, and I had a math test to study for. It was sort of pretty much terrible because I didn't get back till 9:30, and I didn't get anything done Sunday because I had church, and then a fireside.

I'm not a slacker, it's important to realize that, but I've kind of been slacking a little bit, and I need to pick things up. I've started doing homework when it's assigned, instead of waiting till the night before (which is how I got through my first semester), and I've also decided after a few months of confusion and doubts that I like my religion, and I still believe what I previously said I believed, just in a little bit different way. I feel like a little bit of a hypocrite now, but I'm working on being a better person, and that's all that matters I guess.

I've got to run off to my philosophy class, but I'm going to try and update more then once a month.

Bless you?

When my suite-mate sneezes, it sounds like she's screaming, and it scares the crap out of me!

I won't grow up... I don't wanna go to school...

I feel like I'm being forced to grow up, and it is too much for me. some days i just want to crawl back in bed and hide from the sun, pretend like it never came out, and that it is night. Today I found out that a dear friend of mine tested positive for HIV. I never dreamed that some one so close to me could be affected by this, and it makes me worry that more of my friends are in the same boat, but not willing to talk about it. Along with that, I also found at that a friend from my graduating class has cancer and is going through chemo.

These people are both the same age as me, and they are being faced with the sudden reality that we are not as invincible as previously believed. No one should have to deal with this at 18. Or 19 or 20 or ever. Why do horrible things like this exist.

Mitchel the Second is born.

So I got my birthday present from Nanny and I am loving this woman more and more every day. lol. She got me an iPod...and it's beautiful!

Sick as a Panda

I haven't been this sick in a while. Last night was the worst night ever. I went to bed at like 10, but woke up every hour or so because i was coughing. I had taken some Mucinex DM, but it just isn't doing the job for me... so at 4 AM I got up, took some dayquil, and then went back to bed. I'm thinking about investing in some niquil just to make my life easier.

Give me your digits...

So... I find this slightly amusing...

where did my life go?

Life is freaking crazy. Today's agenda:

-Write English paper rough draft due monday...4-5 pages
-Write ASL review of activities: 6 page minimum
-Do math homework...for 5 sections in the book... that's like a million and TWO problems.

plus I could probably do some reading for my psychology class, watch my 30 minute video for ASL, and catch up on the reading for my philosophy class... but that would all be horribly ambitious. Oh well.

GET UP!

I slept through my alarm this morning and missed the first hour and a half of church. I can't get there fast enough for it to be worth it.

I really need to fix this whole alarm problem. I seem to not wake up to my alarms, or I turn them off with out waking up. GAH!

un-un-date-able.

So... I went on my first date tonight... with this guy. His name is Jonathan. It was great.

insert cuss words here ________________

I feel like such a loser. I am on the edge of tears, but I can't cry.

I'm invisible.

I'm too busy right now to write anything. lol. I'm on my way out to go to a party, but... eventually I will get around to writing again... now i understand why my friends that left for college last year became invisible people that didn't get online to chat or post any more. :P

Madness I tell you... shere madness

finished my first day of classes... that was hellish.

I have buckled down. I am actually doing the assigned reading, and trying to do a bit extra so that when I eventually "fall behind" I will actually be exactly where I am supposed to be. My enlgish class is called "Inquiry into Madness" and it is very interesting, and the teacher is hilarious. We are reading "One flew over the Cuckoo's nest, and some people in the class had already read it, and I hadn't, so I made this ambitious desicion to read the book, before she starts assigning reading, so that it's easier to understand the second time through. I have a problem with reading. I just don't like it. But this book is pretty interesting, so it shall be interesting.

I also had psychology today, which was a huge auditorium style class, and I wasn't expecting it to be so big (and neither was the teacher) but it'll be fine as long as I sit in the front.

I also had my math class today and the only thing good to report is that I met a really cute guy. He's not gay (as far as I can tell) and he's older than me. We got in these groups to do the stupid word problems from the book (speaking of which... I must go look at the book because it's not my thing...) and like, the teacher would assign a problem to the group, and this guy would have it figured out before any of us could think about it. Which, in all honesty sucks for me, because I need to be able to think things through.

I also had Choir today, which was awesome and amazing and all of those wonderful words. I love it.

Then after that I went to the Institute building and signed up for three classes. I am also going to be volunteering at the Tennessee School for the Deaf. I had a nice conversation with a man that works at the school, and he gave me some names and numbers of people to contact about volunteering there, so we shall see how things work out.

Other then that Institute was nice tonight, and then I went to the library, read a BUNCH, and now I am going to get in the shower and go to bed. Tomorrow I will wake up around 8:30, go to the gym, do some homework and then go to my one class of the day.

Ba-hum-bug.

30 minutes until "Christmas" and I didn't get my mom's present finished... well, I didn't get her SECOND present finished. I got her a piece of... well, she collects these figurines, and I got her one of them, but it was so impersonal. So... today we took family pictures, and I have this frame form target to put like... 5 different pictures in the frame, and I cleaned the entire downstairs (which in all actuality is a REAL accomplishment...). But any who. I am kind of ready for the commercialized holiday that we celebrate to be over. GAH. Not that I'm a grinch... trust me, i love christmas as much as the next guy.... but I am too tired to explain my feelings right now, so I am going to bed...


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!

I see you doing lots of homework....

Your schedule for SPRING 2007 is:

Acad Disc	Title	Course Number	Instruction Mode	Time	Days	Instructor	Credit Level	Credit Hours
ED INTER	ASL 2	226	LECTURE	05:05P-07:45P	M	OSBORNE, TERRY E.	U	3
ENGLISH	Inquiry into Madness	102	DISCUSSION	08:00A-08:50A	MWF	ABERNATHY, JESSICA LEIGH	U	3
MATH	Mathematical Reasoning	113	LECTURE	03:40P-04:55P	TR	TURNER, MATTHEW D.	U	3
MUSC ENSBL	Concert Choir (By Audition Only)	380	ENSEMBLE	12:20P-02:15P	MW	BATEY, ANGELA LYNN	U	4
PHILOSOPHY	Contemporary Moral Issues	242	LECTURE	05:05P-06:20P	TR	RIKER, WALTER J.	U	3
PSYCHOLOGY	General Psychology	110	LECTURE	09:05A-09:55A	MWF	SAUDARGAS, RICHARD A.	U	3

Woot woot.

Dear Dallas

I'm not really sure what to say to you. I know we kind of ended the summer on a bad note...more, I ended the summer on a bad note, and I don't know if you over analyze things like I do, but I've done a lot of "growing up" this year. I wanted to talk to you about when I randomly called you, but you were with your family, and I couldn't. You really had been on my mind that day, and I'm not sure if I told you why. Lol, it was actually very amusing. This guy was talking about some road-kill story, and I guess it had the same affect as the kamikaze bunny...or what ever it was, I don't even remember, but he was like "Jessica, are you all right? You kind of look funny..." and I wanted to attempt to tell him about you nearly running over that thing, but I figured it wouldn't of been funny to them. Oh well.

I hate thinking. I really do. I mean, I gah. lol. When it comes to you, I never have the right words to explain what I am trying to say, but I've realized that it's been awhile since I tried talking to you, and that I have come to a realization. you were my one and only. you were my shining star. my light in the darkness, your eyes still make me weak, your touch still makes me blush, your voice still takes my breath away, the thought of you makes me smile. but they always will... you were my first love. they say you never really fall out of love with your first love. i believe it. i just had to tell you myself. i've finally moved on. i've finally let myself. i'll never forget you or how you made me feel. i'm a better person because of you. for the longest time I've been saying that I regretted what we did, and ever being "involved" with any one, but the truth is, I don't, it just hurt too much to admit that not only had I loved being in love, but that it was over and gone a long time ago, and probably my fault.

I guess you could say I've matured a little, and I hope that we can at least be acquaintances, keep in touch, be friends. I know you kind of wanted this before, but then well, Thanksgiving and the summer pretty much left me in a big puddle of confusion. But it doesn't matter now. Can we start over? Just friends. Please.

-Jessica

I have a big bed

webstergurl06 (3:01:03 AM): do you still live with a parent?
The1 AndOnly (3:01:08 AM): yeah
webstergurl06 (3:01:12 AM): hehe
webstergurl06 (3:01:15 AM): lol
The1 AndOnly (3:01:19 AM): but you can stay in my room
The1 AndOnly (3:01:32 AM): i have a big bed
webstergurl06 (3:01:35 AM): woot!
webstergurl06 (3:01:36 AM): lol
webstergurl06 (3:01:44 AM): if I come down, I'm probably going to stay at Michelle's
The1 AndOnly (3:01:50 AM): oh ok
The1 AndOnly (3:02:08 AM): dang got my hopes up then crushed them
webstergurl06 (3:02:11 AM): haha
webstergurl06 (3:02:17 AM): we'll see what we can work out

eh... was that an attempt to get in my pants that I completely BLEW UP! hahaha....it didn't even occur to me that he was coming onto me until...well...he'd left. haha. oh well.


hahahahaha... good times.

Time to sing.

As the "ker-plink" of hail hit the window of my dorm room, I get about for AIM messages of "OHMIGOODNESS...it's snowing." to which I am required to reply..."Honey...snow doesn't sound like that." lol. Looking outside it is like a snow/hail bit. It's a mix.

Tonight: Finish one page. Double spaced. Size 12. This may not seem like a challenge, and it shouldn't be. But I've already spit out 4 and a half on this topic, and I'm kind of out of things to say. AH!

Friday: YSA Christmas Party, Princess Party/Girl's night

Saturday: Study for math exam, go ice skating?

Sunday: Church, visit w/ Heather and Jenn, Church Christmas production

Monday: Study more for Math Exam, Caroling Gig

Tuesday: Math Exam

Wednesday: Study for Sociology Exam

Thursday: Sociology Exam, Caroling gig, ice skating/ family home evening

Friday: Drive home

Saturday: Sleep

And then life will be good. This next week could not possibly go by any faster. I am now going to go and finish this paper, and then go to bed! But, before I do that, let me enlighten every one to what has be doing the happy dance:

MY ROOMMATE IS MOVING OUT!!!!

and that is all. Good night.

Paulo, oh Paulo, where for art thou...

I feel like i hardly post to my journal any more, and when I do it's because I feel like I haven't., GAH. lol.

I know I haven't really written about the drama in my life, partly because it's easier to pretend it's not there and just ignore it, and partly because I'm been too busy writing my English Papers to even consider spending extra time on typing in my journal. So, what prompted this random "POSTPOSTPOST!" happiness? Earlier in the month I posted a "wish-list" sort of thing on the holiday_wishes community that had been spotlighted, and today I got a card from a random girl, and she sent me a blank postcard as well!!! YEAH!

I miss Paul. I miss Paul in the "I-feel-like-my-life-is-falling-apart-be

cause-I-am-so-freaking-lonely-and-we-hardly-ever- talk-any-more-and-I-don't-ever-want-to-lose-you-because-you're-the-best-friend-in-the-world-
and-life-would-suck-with-out-you" sort of way. and thus, I send him postcards. So when I got a random postcard from the middle of nowhere GA it makes me very happy. lol.

Also, I have decided that I will not be driving home until this Friday.

I think I'm falling for some one who is so off-limits it's not even funny.

I have an english paper to go and write. Shoot.

"Y" do you torment me...

Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. After, post this in your journal, and give out some letters of your own


whoa_slowmotion gave me the letter Y:

1. Yummy chocolate cake from the UT bakery
2. Yall: as in...my friends. (I'm trying to be creative as Y isn't exactly an easy letter.
3. Yesterdays: my memories and my life.
4. Yacking on the phone with my friends
5. YSA: Young Single Adults program in the area...a lot of fun and great people
6. Yawning (not only is in an odd word, but an odd thing)
7. Yuletide festivities
8. y as in...the unknown quantity that we are always searching for in stupid math classes (y = mx +b)
9. yelling at football games
10. yearnings for SLEEP

That was one of the hardest things I've ever done. GAH!

Where have you been on my life... firefox!

I absolutely adore this whole firefox thing.

I just downloaded the Christmas theme, and it's SO cute. I love it. I am totally addicted to these stupid themes, but in my defense, I deleted three themes before I downloaded a new one. YEAH!!

Hope every one had a good Thanksgiving. I sure did, and I will be going home again in like...2 weeks and a day.

CHRISSY: Let me know what's going on, and I will try to stop by if you're still around. I am going to be able to leave here on the 12th of December...so yeah for me! lol. I'll come sleep on your couch and cook you breakfast. lol. Give me a call.

It's beginning to look a lot like.... _____________

Today

• Put up and decorate Christmas trees
• WATCH TENNESSEE FOOTBALL WITH DAD
• Go out with Ellen and have an awesome time doing so
• practise song with Becca for Church tomorrow
• sleep

This weekend has just flown by...

Here's the plan...

It is 9:00 am right now.

At 10:10 I will turn in my works cited page

At 11:00 I will get a call from Nick about where to meet him.

At:11:30 I will be going to the airport.

At 12:00 I will be checking in.

At 1:00 I will be on an airplane.

At 5:40 I will be in Washington DC with my Daddy and my Dog.


And then I will sleep.

I'm not emo...

I straightened my hair!!! Yippy!

Ice-be-gone

What in the world is that you may ask? Well, for a fee of $30.00 your own personal USB hookup can keep your drink cold! You heard me right, you plug it into your computer, and your drink is kept cold. No more having to get up to get more ice, enjoy your ice-cold beverage just where you are. This is the latest in computer-must haves!


hahahha....so.....yeah. Thats NOT what I want for Christmas!!!

I never did play with Legos...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA


so yeah. that website is amazing.

shut up... please.

as she lays on her bed singing to her phone I want to stand up and pull my hair out.

Give me a break... or a kit-kat.... either is fine.

This may see selfish...but I hate it when my roommate skips class, because when she SHOULD be in class, I have a break, and I need a little time alone, but she has not been to class ALL FREAKIN' WEEK AND THUS I HAVE BEEN WITH PEOPLE ALL WEEK AND I AM DIEING. I hate it. I haven't had more then 2 minutes to myself at a time. I need to relax, but that is utterly impossible when she lays in her bed all day and talks on the phone really loudly. GAH!!!

Curse our advances

Ok... so I moved from my room to the study room and left my internet cable in there on purpose, but now...thanks to the advancement in technology and the amazingness of wireless internet I can be distracted EVERYWHERE I FREAKING GO! gah. I am doomed. I have a paper due tomorrow. But I do have a most amazing topic that just completely came to me like 5 seconds ago. Previously I just had the average topic, the one that takes the teacher's example and changes it minimally so that it's not plagerism, but no...now, I am made of awesome too!

ETA: Thank you CHRISSY! also: earlier the girls (on my "no boys allowed" floor) where walking up and down the hall knocking on doors because they smelled "boy". Haha, I must admit that there was a rather pleasant smell in the hall, but I was sure it was just some one's body wash, but no, they were SURE it was a boy on the floor. Well, I walked down the stairs and came back up and I realized WHO'S soap it was (My buddy Morgan...she's uber cool.) but yeah, it just made me giggle.

3000 Heat Units Happier

Ha....hahaha...I can't possibly laugh any more...



The first thing about this picture that is absolutely hilarious is the tampon and it's...placement.

The second thing is the reference to his food consumption habits of last night.


aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Whatcha been up to...

i didn't think THIS was even possible...hmmmmm. It goes along with my Sociology class in challenging the ideas of race.

Stare and Scare

I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my ENTIRE FREAKING LIFE. Here are some memorable quotes:

-Brandon...you just ate 3000 calories...oh wait...this little triangle means...oh...that's with out mayo. oops. (A McChicken, plus a BigMac, plus TWO double cheese burgers, but a large fry, a large soda and a McFrezey thing. ah! I about died laughing.)

-Jessica...why are you double cupping? (I am honestly aching as I laugh at this...again. What comes after this line?...) Quote, grabs your BREASTS before they run away. GAH!

-Messy Britches, what's wrong with you!

-Can I get my McFreezy with MiracleWhip instead of mayo, I'm trying to cut back...

-Gosh Clare....you're healthy. (Clare says:) well ya know what...shove it! Here Brandon...eat my lettuce... (And so he stuff the biggest piece of green...stuff in his mouth and says:

-Well, now I've had two double cheese burgers, a McChicken, a BigMac and a salad!



Ok...I was in absolute stiches the entire time, I started almost hyperventilating, and by the time we were leaveing, I was coughing up blood (thanks to the lack of oxygen reaching my lungs!)...but the we just laughed more. GAH! We had 6 people crammed in the tiny car where we proceeded to play "stare and Scare" down the main drag of campus. OHMYGOSH. The funniest thing ever. So here's how this game works.

as the "it" person is kind of leaning out the window a bit, but not in an odd way...just average, like, he stares at a pedestrian on the side of the road and right as your passing them you scream. It is the funniest thing in the entire world. Like, for those of you lucky enough to see my panic attacks (which in actuality are very funny after the fact) this is like...amazingly entertaining, so much so that we went up and down the road three times before going home! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... lol. ouch.

-There are rules to this game...you can't scare just any body. You can't do it to foreigners, black people, homeless people, hobos or anybody with a handicap sticker.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Yeah...just about died laughing. SO FREAKING FUNNY.

Any ways, I know this probably isn't as amusing to any one else, but I had an amazing time!!!

Got Bacon?

Once upon a time...



...and that is the end.

UT vs. LSU

I need a new word. One that describes, not a day, but the last time period of things going on. Like, the last episode of my life...yes. I think that will be what I use from now on...

So in the last episode of my life (Friday @ 10pm to Sunday early morning.) has been one of excitment. It always is. lol. Here's what's going down...in the normal font color (what ever appears on your friends page (mine is white...) are THINGS that have happened, and in a corrosponding color are the way those things made me feel. Ready for this?

• Went to a party at Haley's apartment because it was her birthday....we got pizza and a movie and junk food, and me, Matt, Haley (even though she went to bed before midnight), Heather, and other random people that only stopped by for a little bit watched tv and ate all night. good stuff. We went to bed around one in the morning (and it was just me and heather chilling in the living room. She fell asleep first and I was watching tv.
  
• At 3:30 in the morning (just like every morning) Jake called me. I don't think I've talked much about him, but we've been best friends since 7th grade and we talk every night on the phone. We didn't when I lived in Germany, but before I moved to Germany we did, and then when I was there we talked like, on holidays and stuff like that, but we would chat and e-mail each other. But since I've been back in America he has called me every night, sometimes twice a night. (and I know this is random but...) on Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays I just talk to him at 3ish in the morning because he gets off work at midnight, and he lives in Washington, so he calls me on his way home from work. Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays I call him during the day and wake him up and then he calls me again that night we he gets off work. Some times we talk about stuff, but even when there is nothing to say, we call, just for the sake of calling. I guess we're making up for lost time.) but yeah. This will be important later on....
• At 7:30 in the morning I woke up and turned the TV and the heater off, and then i went back to sleep on the couch.
• At 10:00 I guess the door woke me up, but I sort of twisted around to see the door and Matt was standing in the doorway and it scared the crap out of me and AH! lol. I jumped up and yeah. It was morning, and I was awake with no chance of going back to bed. Matt was there to get painted up for the game, and then Buck showed up to get painted as well. It was a lot of fun.
  
• At 12:30ish I left the apartment and went back to campus so that I could shower, and put my orange attire on (stripped socks, capirs and white Tennessee t-shirt .....) and then I left to go and meet up with the rest of everybody. Gah. I called Matt and he was like "We'll be leaving in like, 15 minutes, so just wait at the institute building (cause that's where I was parked, and they had to park there, and it takes 15 minutes to walk from the institute to Haley's, so it just made more sense to wait there...) well, 35 minutes later they FINALLY show up....had to wait for Haley to get ready.
• We all met up, me, Darth Vol, Haley's the Orange Pirate, and Buck, the local celebrity (he paints his bald head with checkers and he is ALWAYS in the newspapers and all over ESPN on game days.) and we made out walk down to the stadium.

• While at the game the most interesting thing happened. Jake usually calls me really late, but my phone rang and it said it was him, so I answered it, well, turns out it was his most recent girlfriend. I think they've been dating for two weeks, but she called and he final words were "Don't call my fucking boyfriend you bitch" and she hung up. Well, needless to mention he's usually the one calling me and we've been friends for going on five years, and that most definitely trumps two weeks, I was a little bit (read extremely) upset. So yeah.
• We lost the football game. It's cause of the bad karma. Well, actually, it's because Tennessee hasn't been playing football, they just keep getting lucky. We actually were winning, until the last 10 seconds of the game, we just couldn't hold our ground. It sucked.
• After the game we walked back to Haley's apartment where I cooked a pizza and we watched football till one in the morning (except for when I got a phone call from Chrissy and it made my night better because of Jake's psycho girl friend.) and then I ended up here....typing this up for all of my (Chrissy) adoring fans. Haha.
  

YEAH FOR WEEKENDS!!!

Girl's do it best...

So...tonight I went to a friend's apartment for girl's night/ Haley's birthday, and Haley went to bed, and only I showed up. So Heather (Haley's roommate) is asleep on the couch, and I am sitting on the couch typing boring crap on her computer! I would be working on my genre-less novel, but it's at home...on my computer.

I don't like LJ mixed with Firefox spell-check because it doesn't let me check the spelling in the text entry section. It just tells me that it's wrong. GAH. Then I have to keep guessing over and over again until I get it right. It drives me crazy.

So apparently I am un-date-able. Seriously. I just found out that every guy in the ward had a date tonight...and I am here watching CSI by myself...that is horribly exciting. lol. I feel like I am older then 18 years old. Today an old ex-boyfriend called me and asked me if he could come up and visit me. :D Now, laying aside that he's my ex, it makes me very happy, but also puts a big "Don't date me I'm not over my old boyfriends" sign on my face. Which isn't true. (Honestly, we are just really good friends. This is obvious because I haven't written about him at all...) but yeah.

The laptop is very hot on my lap, and so I am going to get off. Have a good weekend, and watch the football game tomorrow! UT vs. LSU!

Words cannot explain...

Tonight I went to a football game at TSD (Tennessee School for the Deaf) and it was....interesting. The team lost, but I didn't watch much of the game because I was watching all of the people sign. When I paused to stop "listening" it wasn't very loud, but inside my head I could "hear" all of the people signing. It was really interesting. :D I liked it a lot. I have a few deaf friends, and I didn't realize until tonight how much easier signing is for me, compared to the other kids in my class. About 5 people from my sign class game to the game, and they all kept looking at me, expecting me to help them out if they didn't understand, and I did, but something else I started doing was even when i was talking to speaking people, I would sign. YEAH! I like it a lot.

The Eye of the Bird's Melody

This is a story one of my friends wrote...it's amazing.

The Eyes of the Bird’s Melody
It’s been four months since move-in day for the university and life has not been the same ever since. It seems like just last night I was walking the stone walk in between the parkway and the foreign exchange dormitory when I began to feel someone behind me.
It was late, maybe eleven or twelve, and I had just got back from work. I was half asleep and dazed from the long night of bagging and slaving over the customers at Ingles. As I began walking back to my dorm room, I noticed how cold the night was. It was by far one of the coldest I could ever remember. I breathed in the musky air; it was thick and rancid. Slowly, as the footsteps from behind began to pick up speed, I began to hear my name be called slowly, “Anna. Anna, I want to talk to you.” I began to run, but he just stayed right behind me. Fiercely, I turned around and stared in his eyes trying not to show him my fear.
“What do you want?” I demanded.
I recognized his face but couldn’t remember where from. It was like I had seen him previously and had already looked right into those deep brown eyes before. He came closer whispering my name with every step. I tried to run, but it was too late. I screamed, but it seemed as if he took my voice and held on to it in his tight grasp between his large dry fingers. My legs buckled into place as his claws dug into my skin like a knife sliding through a stick of butter. His sweat dripped from his pores and a haze of old cologne filled the atmosphere. My teeth were chattering and my hands were shaking fiercely. I heard him murmur but could not make out his words. Once again, I tried to scream but I couldn’t make a sound. With all of his force, he threw me down to the hard concrete below and my world turned into a vast silent blackness.
I woke up shivering in the darkness between the branches of a large bush well hidden from the world. I stood up, looked up into the stars above and began to run. Birds squawking loudly in the distance sang songs of fear and misery. I couldn’t think about what happened and all I wanted was to be back in my room away from the dangers that lurk in the night. I wanted to delete everything that just happened as if I could jsut hit the delete button on my computer and erase all the files that the trashcan contained.
However, I couldn’t delete it, and I still can’t. Four months later, I am still a slave to him. Since that night, he has locked me up inside my own body and has made me stranded from the world in a galaxy of my own. I see his thin deep eyes when I sleep and I have nightmares every night that he will once again return.
Mocking me every time I leave my apartment, the birds fly as a large group covering the sky. They glide through the air as if they were searching for prey and land on the next tree as soon as I am free from their range. I stare into their eyes, thin dark brown eyes glare back at me. They know everything that happened that night, even after I went unconscious. They taunt me of my uncleanness and they share my secret among themselves. I hear their songs as I run to my next class and try to block the noises out of my head.
“Anna Fisher,” The English Professor takes roll. “Is Anna Fisher here?”
I raise my hand high to the Professor’s voice and he nods when he sees it. Every morning he waits for the verbal conformation of presence from all the students with the last name up to Fisher, but after me he looks up for every student’s name until “Ziao.” It is almost like he is waiting to hear the same friendly voice that answered loudly “Here, Professor” the first day of class.
I walk the halls head down in silence and blend into everyone else heading toward their mid afternoon classes. I don’t speak because after that night early in the year, I realized no one ever listens. Even if I scream on the top of my lungs, no one hears. He took my voice and I don’t even know his name.
I sit in my dorm room and stare out the window, the birds are watching me. Their dark brown eyes stare into mine trying to tell me something. Their voices are of the stranger’s, as if he communicates through the birds. They sing songs all at once like they are waiting for something. They hide in the trees and look at me, laughing because they see me huddled by the red velvet window curtain holding a single white rose.
It came earlier today in a small package from The Flower Boutique. I opened it thinking it was from my Mother as an early 19th birthday present. Slowly I read the card attached to the flower, “One white rose to keep you company. One white rose to tell you I miss you.” The color reminds me of a snowstorm in the depth of January and it is as flawless as a new candle with a perfect wick. I hold the flower with the sensation to burn it in front of the window so all the birds can see it and instead I eye them in disgust.
It wasn’t the first present I had received since I moved in. No, one came almost every month. A chocolate heart that probably came from Krogers, a stuffed valentine bear most likely marked half-priced at Big Lots, and before the flower, a set of sterling silver coated Cherokee brand earrings from Target made their way into my mail box. Each present contained one gold card with one or two sentences telling me how he waits for me, never anything more. They were rapped in plain brown packaging material so perfectly it seemed like I would be looking at a display at the local UPS store. Nothing, not even a stamp or mailing address distorted the perfect parcel. It was only my name in a cursive much like the French Script type on Microsoft Word that was disrupting the bare exterior.
“Someone is waiting for you in the lobby,” a voice came from my doorway; it was someone from my floor. I looked over my shoulder at the tall blonde girl, stared and didn’t say a word.
“He says it’s urgent, you better come fast.”
I started to tremble and looked into her eyes. She had eyes filled with joy and comfort and carried a sense of passion for life. I don’t know why, but with her by my side, I started to loose my fear of who I was going to meet just nine floors below.
As I exited the elevator an man that much resembled my own father with his soft blue eyes and genuine smile approached me, “Are you Ms. Anna Fisher?”
I nodded my head.
“A young sir died earlier today in a car wreck about a block away from the campus and when we found him this picture was in his hands. Is it yours?
I looked right at the picture, it was me one year ago lying on a bench waiting for a bus to go to Chicago in order to visit my Grandma. A grungy middle-aged man wearing a red pleated jacket asked if he could take the photo of me for his art gallery posted in town. As he was snapping one shot after another I remember looking into his thin dark brown eyes and feeling a sense of terror. He kept glaring at me, and even after the film ran out, he stood there just five feet away until my bus pulled into the depot. Remembering thiseincounter, I whispered to the man, “He is dead? From a car crash?”
“Yes, but I need to know…This picture, is it of you?”
“I was visiting my grandmother a year ago; I was on that bench for what seemed like forever because the bus got delayed.”
The man looked at me and asked me if I would be able to come to the police station for questioning. I nodded.
As we arrived at the Twenty-First Street station, the police asked if I had seen the man anytime after the bus depot incident around town. It was then that I described the dark night at the beginning of the school year. I told him of how the man smelled and the way his broad stature was illuminated from the moon light, the way he spoke, and the power he possessed within his eyes. I mentioned my state of darkness caused by the crash of his large dry hands against my face, and then waking up blinded from the world. He trapped me inside myself and controlled me. Ever since that night I felt his presence lurking behind me and I new he was close, ready to strike again.
The police looked at me and I could see his tears bottled up above his cheeks. He said sternly, “It was tonight. Tonight was the night he was supposed to come back for you. In his car he had a revolver on the passenger seat wrapped in a pink scarf. Was that your scarf, Anna?”
My heart began to pound almost twice as fast as before while I listened to his voice and I replied, “Yes,” and my interview came to a close.
As I got out of the squad car and walked back toward my dormitory, I looked to the trees towering over the buildings. The birds were no where to be found.

What does that meeeeean?

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change the courage to

change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference..."

I had decided not to go to church tonight. But then some one called and said they

were going to pick me up and take me.

I don't know whether or not to find this person's actions rude, or consider it a sign.

I am not very objective, because what I want fully depends on me and what I think.

I wish I had no feelings.

Oh my....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...


7daysinasentra

ahem... that is all.