Go to bed! That's what I would do...

Ummm... hello... it is two in the morning (I'm writing a paper) and my suite mate has just decided it's a good time to get in the shower.... what is wrong with this picture? I hate it when she does this, because it means I have to listen to her sing for the next 30 minutes. GAH!

Ummm... in other news.... I hate my english class and all of the obsessive BORING, useless work we've done this semester. That is all.

where did my life go?

Life is freaking crazy. Today's agenda:

-Write English paper rough draft due monday...4-5 pages
-Write ASL review of activities: 6 page minimum
-Do math homework...for 5 sections in the book... that's like a million and TWO problems.

plus I could probably do some reading for my psychology class, watch my 30 minute video for ASL, and catch up on the reading for my philosophy class... but that would all be horribly ambitious. Oh well.

Madness I tell you... shere madness

finished my first day of classes... that was hellish.

I have buckled down. I am actually doing the assigned reading, and trying to do a bit extra so that when I eventually "fall behind" I will actually be exactly where I am supposed to be. My enlgish class is called "Inquiry into Madness" and it is very interesting, and the teacher is hilarious. We are reading "One flew over the Cuckoo's nest, and some people in the class had already read it, and I hadn't, so I made this ambitious desicion to read the book, before she starts assigning reading, so that it's easier to understand the second time through. I have a problem with reading. I just don't like it. But this book is pretty interesting, so it shall be interesting.

I also had psychology today, which was a huge auditorium style class, and I wasn't expecting it to be so big (and neither was the teacher) but it'll be fine as long as I sit in the front.

I also had my math class today and the only thing good to report is that I met a really cute guy. He's not gay (as far as I can tell) and he's older than me. We got in these groups to do the stupid word problems from the book (speaking of which... I must go look at the book because it's not my thing...) and like, the teacher would assign a problem to the group, and this guy would have it figured out before any of us could think about it. Which, in all honesty sucks for me, because I need to be able to think things through.

I also had Choir today, which was awesome and amazing and all of those wonderful words. I love it.

Then after that I went to the Institute building and signed up for three classes. I am also going to be volunteering at the Tennessee School for the Deaf. I had a nice conversation with a man that works at the school, and he gave me some names and numbers of people to contact about volunteering there, so we shall see how things work out.

Other then that Institute was nice tonight, and then I went to the library, read a BUNCH, and now I am going to get in the shower and go to bed. Tomorrow I will wake up around 8:30, go to the gym, do some homework and then go to my one class of the day.

Time to sing.

As the "ker-plink" of hail hit the window of my dorm room, I get about for AIM messages of "OHMIGOODNESS...it's snowing." to which I am required to reply..."Honey...snow doesn't sound like that." lol. Looking outside it is like a snow/hail bit. It's a mix.

Tonight: Finish one page. Double spaced. Size 12. This may not seem like a challenge, and it shouldn't be. But I've already spit out 4 and a half on this topic, and I'm kind of out of things to say. AH!

Friday: YSA Christmas Party, Princess Party/Girl's night

Saturday: Study for math exam, go ice skating?

Sunday: Church, visit w/ Heather and Jenn, Church Christmas production

Monday: Study more for Math Exam, Caroling Gig

Tuesday: Math Exam

Wednesday: Study for Sociology Exam

Thursday: Sociology Exam, Caroling gig, ice skating/ family home evening

Friday: Drive home

Saturday: Sleep

And then life will be good. This next week could not possibly go by any faster. I am now going to go and finish this paper, and then go to bed! But, before I do that, let me enlighten every one to what has be doing the happy dance:

MY ROOMMATE IS MOVING OUT!!!!

and that is all. Good night.

Curse our advances

Ok... so I moved from my room to the study room and left my internet cable in there on purpose, but now...thanks to the advancement in technology and the amazingness of wireless internet I can be distracted EVERYWHERE I FREAKING GO! gah. I am doomed. I have a paper due tomorrow. But I do have a most amazing topic that just completely came to me like 5 seconds ago. Previously I just had the average topic, the one that takes the teacher's example and changes it minimally so that it's not plagerism, but no...now, I am made of awesome too!

ETA: Thank you CHRISSY! also: earlier the girls (on my "no boys allowed" floor) where walking up and down the hall knocking on doors because they smelled "boy". Haha, I must admit that there was a rather pleasant smell in the hall, but I was sure it was just some one's body wash, but no, they were SURE it was a boy on the floor. Well, I walked down the stairs and came back up and I realized WHO'S soap it was (My buddy Morgan...she's uber cool.) but yeah, it just made me giggle.

The Eye of the Bird's Melody

This is a story one of my friends wrote...it's amazing.

The Eyes of the Bird’s Melody
It’s been four months since move-in day for the university and life has not been the same ever since. It seems like just last night I was walking the stone walk in between the parkway and the foreign exchange dormitory when I began to feel someone behind me.
It was late, maybe eleven or twelve, and I had just got back from work. I was half asleep and dazed from the long night of bagging and slaving over the customers at Ingles. As I began walking back to my dorm room, I noticed how cold the night was. It was by far one of the coldest I could ever remember. I breathed in the musky air; it was thick and rancid. Slowly, as the footsteps from behind began to pick up speed, I began to hear my name be called slowly, “Anna. Anna, I want to talk to you.” I began to run, but he just stayed right behind me. Fiercely, I turned around and stared in his eyes trying not to show him my fear.
“What do you want?” I demanded.
I recognized his face but couldn’t remember where from. It was like I had seen him previously and had already looked right into those deep brown eyes before. He came closer whispering my name with every step. I tried to run, but it was too late. I screamed, but it seemed as if he took my voice and held on to it in his tight grasp between his large dry fingers. My legs buckled into place as his claws dug into my skin like a knife sliding through a stick of butter. His sweat dripped from his pores and a haze of old cologne filled the atmosphere. My teeth were chattering and my hands were shaking fiercely. I heard him murmur but could not make out his words. Once again, I tried to scream but I couldn’t make a sound. With all of his force, he threw me down to the hard concrete below and my world turned into a vast silent blackness.
I woke up shivering in the darkness between the branches of a large bush well hidden from the world. I stood up, looked up into the stars above and began to run. Birds squawking loudly in the distance sang songs of fear and misery. I couldn’t think about what happened and all I wanted was to be back in my room away from the dangers that lurk in the night. I wanted to delete everything that just happened as if I could jsut hit the delete button on my computer and erase all the files that the trashcan contained.
However, I couldn’t delete it, and I still can’t. Four months later, I am still a slave to him. Since that night, he has locked me up inside my own body and has made me stranded from the world in a galaxy of my own. I see his thin deep eyes when I sleep and I have nightmares every night that he will once again return.
Mocking me every time I leave my apartment, the birds fly as a large group covering the sky. They glide through the air as if they were searching for prey and land on the next tree as soon as I am free from their range. I stare into their eyes, thin dark brown eyes glare back at me. They know everything that happened that night, even after I went unconscious. They taunt me of my uncleanness and they share my secret among themselves. I hear their songs as I run to my next class and try to block the noises out of my head.
“Anna Fisher,” The English Professor takes roll. “Is Anna Fisher here?”
I raise my hand high to the Professor’s voice and he nods when he sees it. Every morning he waits for the verbal conformation of presence from all the students with the last name up to Fisher, but after me he looks up for every student’s name until “Ziao.” It is almost like he is waiting to hear the same friendly voice that answered loudly “Here, Professor” the first day of class.
I walk the halls head down in silence and blend into everyone else heading toward their mid afternoon classes. I don’t speak because after that night early in the year, I realized no one ever listens. Even if I scream on the top of my lungs, no one hears. He took my voice and I don’t even know his name.
I sit in my dorm room and stare out the window, the birds are watching me. Their dark brown eyes stare into mine trying to tell me something. Their voices are of the stranger’s, as if he communicates through the birds. They sing songs all at once like they are waiting for something. They hide in the trees and look at me, laughing because they see me huddled by the red velvet window curtain holding a single white rose.
It came earlier today in a small package from The Flower Boutique. I opened it thinking it was from my Mother as an early 19th birthday present. Slowly I read the card attached to the flower, “One white rose to keep you company. One white rose to tell you I miss you.” The color reminds me of a snowstorm in the depth of January and it is as flawless as a new candle with a perfect wick. I hold the flower with the sensation to burn it in front of the window so all the birds can see it and instead I eye them in disgust.
It wasn’t the first present I had received since I moved in. No, one came almost every month. A chocolate heart that probably came from Krogers, a stuffed valentine bear most likely marked half-priced at Big Lots, and before the flower, a set of sterling silver coated Cherokee brand earrings from Target made their way into my mail box. Each present contained one gold card with one or two sentences telling me how he waits for me, never anything more. They were rapped in plain brown packaging material so perfectly it seemed like I would be looking at a display at the local UPS store. Nothing, not even a stamp or mailing address distorted the perfect parcel. It was only my name in a cursive much like the French Script type on Microsoft Word that was disrupting the bare exterior.
“Someone is waiting for you in the lobby,” a voice came from my doorway; it was someone from my floor. I looked over my shoulder at the tall blonde girl, stared and didn’t say a word.
“He says it’s urgent, you better come fast.”
I started to tremble and looked into her eyes. She had eyes filled with joy and comfort and carried a sense of passion for life. I don’t know why, but with her by my side, I started to loose my fear of who I was going to meet just nine floors below.
As I exited the elevator an man that much resembled my own father with his soft blue eyes and genuine smile approached me, “Are you Ms. Anna Fisher?”
I nodded my head.
“A young sir died earlier today in a car wreck about a block away from the campus and when we found him this picture was in his hands. Is it yours?
I looked right at the picture, it was me one year ago lying on a bench waiting for a bus to go to Chicago in order to visit my Grandma. A grungy middle-aged man wearing a red pleated jacket asked if he could take the photo of me for his art gallery posted in town. As he was snapping one shot after another I remember looking into his thin dark brown eyes and feeling a sense of terror. He kept glaring at me, and even after the film ran out, he stood there just five feet away until my bus pulled into the depot. Remembering thiseincounter, I whispered to the man, “He is dead? From a car crash?”
“Yes, but I need to know…This picture, is it of you?”
“I was visiting my grandmother a year ago; I was on that bench for what seemed like forever because the bus got delayed.”
The man looked at me and asked me if I would be able to come to the police station for questioning. I nodded.
As we arrived at the Twenty-First Street station, the police asked if I had seen the man anytime after the bus depot incident around town. It was then that I described the dark night at the beginning of the school year. I told him of how the man smelled and the way his broad stature was illuminated from the moon light, the way he spoke, and the power he possessed within his eyes. I mentioned my state of darkness caused by the crash of his large dry hands against my face, and then waking up blinded from the world. He trapped me inside myself and controlled me. Ever since that night I felt his presence lurking behind me and I new he was close, ready to strike again.
The police looked at me and I could see his tears bottled up above his cheeks. He said sternly, “It was tonight. Tonight was the night he was supposed to come back for you. In his car he had a revolver on the passenger seat wrapped in a pink scarf. Was that your scarf, Anna?”
My heart began to pound almost twice as fast as before while I listened to his voice and I replied, “Yes,” and my interview came to a close.
As I got out of the squad car and walked back toward my dormitory, I looked to the trees towering over the buildings. The birds were no where to be found.

Staying Strong, All-night Long...

So, tonight I pulled my first "all-nighter". I mean, I've stayed up till five in the morning, slept for two hours and gone to class, but it is 7 in the morning and I am still going strong. lol. Here's how the day played out:

1. I went to my English class where we had get to know you friday, which officially is my favorite waste of time. We pick a question, then as she goes down the roll call we each answer the question and today's question was "What is your most irrational fear" and that took up like 45 of the 55 minutes of the class, then she talked about signing up for english 102, and we were done! WOOT!
2. I took the bus to my dorm...now what I did there is a complete mystery because I don't remember, but I do remember leaving my dorm, walking to the bus stop, then getting off the EW to catch the NS bus, and that was a hoot! lol. Not really a problem, just kind of a pain since it was raining.
3. I took the bus to the institute building where we have friday forum every friday. Pretty much a different ward/stake/area member comes and talks to the group that shows up for about an hour and we eat free food. I mean.....free food. I would come if I wasn't mormon! lol. The thing is, today the speaker came early, and some one else was there early, but they got there when brother R was gone to get the food, so they thought it had been canceled so they left....so really it was just free food with interesting converstation about different parts of church history.
4. After that I sat on the back porch of the institute building with John and we talked for about 3 hours about History. Mostly WW2 and all the different aspects of that. But it was fun and interesting, because John is such a sweety. WOOT! lol. he really is a great guy. But then we were talking, and i lost track of time, and I realized it was 3:30, and my choir rehearsal started at 3:30, so I was like "ah!" and Matt showed up at the oppertune moment to offer me a ride so i didn't have to walk in the rain! YEAH! lol.
   
5. I then had choir rehearsal where we practised Mozart for 2 and a half hours straight. EH. I am really starting to not like music as much as I used to.....sadly. But it was good. Our concert is on Sunday, and it is going to be amazing. =D
6. After choir rehearsal I went to dinner with some choir friends. Ok...gay people talk about sex more then any one I have ever met. There was not one remark at the table that was not sexual in some way. And it was very uncomfortable, but at the same time funny. :P 3 gay men and 2 straight girls in the perfect combination. It's interesting...like...they hug and kiss me (cheek...) and it honestly doesn't seem like anything to me. I am such a touchy feelly person, and I know that I kind of stopped being that way when i moved to germany, but OH i like it. lol. (That was not sexual at all...just honestly what i was thinking.)
7. After the dinner I had like 30 minutes to find and put together a costume, and so I wrapped a sheet around myself, and I am going to have to put this stuff back on because every thought I was wearing a formal....it was very amusing. like, honestly, if I had owned this sheet bad in highschool....I would've worn it to prom. I shall try and get a picture up soon. :P
8. So I got ready and WENT to the halloween party, which was not the high light of the evening, but it was most definatly fun. lol. A little bit of dancing, some apple bobbing, a sack race and a costume contest, but like, I dunno. I may go into that more later...but probably not. It was just odd.....BUT:
9. From there a group of us went to IHOP and I didn't think I would need money, so I didn't money or anything, and it kind of made me laugh, because in Germany I never would've considered needing money at any sort of church function, but here we hang out, then we go to a church thing, the we go eat, then we hang out more! It's pretty intense! lol. (For example, yesterday, we went to a baptism....then we went out to dinner. It was good. But yeah....any who. ALWAYS...lesson learned.) But I just got water, cause I had eaten a a little bit before (previously when I mentioned dinner, while I did have a sandwhich in front of me only about three bites made it into my mouth....Chrissy, this conversation was.....eh. Like...ew.....lol. Gayness is something very new to me. but we spent the time talking about what they do when drunk! it was...disturbing, yet amusing. lol. But yeah, not much food eaten there. So when we went to IHOP (I was almost tempted to type iHop...haha...) I just got water, 1) cause i didn't have money and 2) cause I had eaten a bit before and was planning on going home to eat a bit more. Well, apparently that's not allowed, and....completely with out asking me and ANYTHING this guy (his name is Brian he's obviously nicer then I thought he was....) ordered me a smiley face chocolate chocolate chip pancake. ha ha. It was amazing.
   
10. So, after that my ride left with out me, so I ended up at Kelsey's house for the "Let's watch Montey Pithon" cause that's what we quoted at dinner (ok...dinner started at midnight....) and after mr. montey we told ghost stories, and then after that we watched saved, and then after that it was 7 in the mornning and My Pancake hero gave me a ride home
    
11. and now I'm here.... writing a journal entry at 7:23 in the morning!
    

Isn't life beautiful? I had a wonderful night. The most recent funny thing is the guys out side my window that keep repeating the Rufio chant from Hook where the leader goes "Rufio, rufio," and the lost boys yell "RU-FI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" So yeah. My most recent amusment. I am going to go now because I have a baptism to go to at 10. And I am thinking I can go and get a nice big breakfast and WOOT. Man...i am relaxing this weekend, it is going to be awesome....except sunday, which is going to be stressful. But oh well.

Remember When...

...and when I think about it, I don't remember....but when I don't really care to remember...I can't forget.

Isn't it odd how things seem to follow you around? I am in the concert choir here at UT, and all of their concerts are on Sundays. I knew this, and I still signed up for the choir. Well, I was recently 'called' as the Relief Society Pianist (I play piano in the old lady meeting.) and turns out...CHURCH IS ON SUNDAY TOO! lol. Ok, so I already knew that. But the RS president called me today cause she "hadn't seen me in a while" and wanted to "just make sure you're ok and everything is going smoothly." She is a very thoughtful lady, but lately that hasn't seemed to matter.
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I used to be the kind of person where thoughts were as good as deeds. "It's the thought that counts." I called it wholesomely optimistic, always giving people the benefit of the doubt. But lately, this other crude side of me doesn't seem to care if people had good intentions or not. I really don't like myself any more. I know this seems odd, but I actually see a big difference in the high school me and the college me, and I liked the HS me better.
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I turned in my English paper today. It is four and a half pages long and not very interesting. Again, back to the "I wish i cared about this" but I truly deeply don't. I stayed up last night doing the final editing, and now I'm just tired, but choir was post-poned until almost four because we're having a dress rehearsal for the concert.

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speaking of which, I have a concert on Sunday! lol. We are singing Mozart's Requiem (which incase you didn't know is entirely in latin and hard to sing.) and it should be a good show. We are also singing Ave Verum (another Mozart piece), but I've previously sung it (at Honors last year.) so yeah!!!
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other then that I recently bought new earphones because mine got lost/broken/stolen or something of that nature, and I gave up looking.

Quote of the Day: "Do you remember when we used to sing in English?" ...."Oh yeah...those were the good ol' days."

Thought of the Day: "That's the thing about faith. If you don't have it you can't understand it. And if you do, no explanation is necessary." ~ Major Kira Nerys (from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)