Ba-hum-bug.

30 minutes until "Christmas" and I didn't get my mom's present finished... well, I didn't get her SECOND present finished. I got her a piece of... well, she collects these figurines, and I got her one of them, but it was so impersonal. So... today we took family pictures, and I have this frame form target to put like... 5 different pictures in the frame, and I cleaned the entire downstairs (which in all actuality is a REAL accomplishment...). But any who. I am kind of ready for the commercialized holiday that we celebrate to be over. GAH. Not that I'm a grinch... trust me, i love christmas as much as the next guy.... but I am too tired to explain my feelings right now, so I am going to bed...


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!

I see you doing lots of homework....

Your schedule for SPRING 2007 is:

Acad Disc	Title	Course Number	Instruction Mode	Time	Days	Instructor	Credit Level	Credit Hours
ED INTER	ASL 2	226	LECTURE	05:05P-07:45P	M	OSBORNE, TERRY E.	U	3
ENGLISH	Inquiry into Madness	102	DISCUSSION	08:00A-08:50A	MWF	ABERNATHY, JESSICA LEIGH	U	3
MATH	Mathematical Reasoning	113	LECTURE	03:40P-04:55P	TR	TURNER, MATTHEW D.	U	3
MUSC ENSBL	Concert Choir (By Audition Only)	380	ENSEMBLE	12:20P-02:15P	MW	BATEY, ANGELA LYNN	U	4
PHILOSOPHY	Contemporary Moral Issues	242	LECTURE	05:05P-06:20P	TR	RIKER, WALTER J.	U	3
PSYCHOLOGY	General Psychology	110	LECTURE	09:05A-09:55A	MWF	SAUDARGAS, RICHARD A.	U	3

Woot woot.

Dear Dallas

I'm not really sure what to say to you. I know we kind of ended the summer on a bad note...more, I ended the summer on a bad note, and I don't know if you over analyze things like I do, but I've done a lot of "growing up" this year. I wanted to talk to you about when I randomly called you, but you were with your family, and I couldn't. You really had been on my mind that day, and I'm not sure if I told you why. Lol, it was actually very amusing. This guy was talking about some road-kill story, and I guess it had the same affect as the kamikaze bunny...or what ever it was, I don't even remember, but he was like "Jessica, are you all right? You kind of look funny..." and I wanted to attempt to tell him about you nearly running over that thing, but I figured it wouldn't of been funny to them. Oh well.

I hate thinking. I really do. I mean, I gah. lol. When it comes to you, I never have the right words to explain what I am trying to say, but I've realized that it's been awhile since I tried talking to you, and that I have come to a realization. you were my one and only. you were my shining star. my light in the darkness, your eyes still make me weak, your touch still makes me blush, your voice still takes my breath away, the thought of you makes me smile. but they always will... you were my first love. they say you never really fall out of love with your first love. i believe it. i just had to tell you myself. i've finally moved on. i've finally let myself. i'll never forget you or how you made me feel. i'm a better person because of you. for the longest time I've been saying that I regretted what we did, and ever being "involved" with any one, but the truth is, I don't, it just hurt too much to admit that not only had I loved being in love, but that it was over and gone a long time ago, and probably my fault.

I guess you could say I've matured a little, and I hope that we can at least be acquaintances, keep in touch, be friends. I know you kind of wanted this before, but then well, Thanksgiving and the summer pretty much left me in a big puddle of confusion. But it doesn't matter now. Can we start over? Just friends. Please.

-Jessica

I have a big bed

webstergurl06 (3:01:03 AM): do you still live with a parent?
The1 AndOnly (3:01:08 AM): yeah
webstergurl06 (3:01:12 AM): hehe
webstergurl06 (3:01:15 AM): lol
The1 AndOnly (3:01:19 AM): but you can stay in my room
The1 AndOnly (3:01:32 AM): i have a big bed
webstergurl06 (3:01:35 AM): woot!
webstergurl06 (3:01:36 AM): lol
webstergurl06 (3:01:44 AM): if I come down, I'm probably going to stay at Michelle's
The1 AndOnly (3:01:50 AM): oh ok
The1 AndOnly (3:02:08 AM): dang got my hopes up then crushed them
webstergurl06 (3:02:11 AM): haha
webstergurl06 (3:02:17 AM): we'll see what we can work out

eh... was that an attempt to get in my pants that I completely BLEW UP! hahaha....it didn't even occur to me that he was coming onto me until...well...he'd left. haha. oh well.


hahahahaha... good times.

Time to sing.

As the "ker-plink" of hail hit the window of my dorm room, I get about for AIM messages of "OHMIGOODNESS...it's snowing." to which I am required to reply..."Honey...snow doesn't sound like that." lol. Looking outside it is like a snow/hail bit. It's a mix.

Tonight: Finish one page. Double spaced. Size 12. This may not seem like a challenge, and it shouldn't be. But I've already spit out 4 and a half on this topic, and I'm kind of out of things to say. AH!

Friday: YSA Christmas Party, Princess Party/Girl's night

Saturday: Study for math exam, go ice skating?

Sunday: Church, visit w/ Heather and Jenn, Church Christmas production

Monday: Study more for Math Exam, Caroling Gig

Tuesday: Math Exam

Wednesday: Study for Sociology Exam

Thursday: Sociology Exam, Caroling gig, ice skating/ family home evening

Friday: Drive home

Saturday: Sleep

And then life will be good. This next week could not possibly go by any faster. I am now going to go and finish this paper, and then go to bed! But, before I do that, let me enlighten every one to what has be doing the happy dance:

MY ROOMMATE IS MOVING OUT!!!!

and that is all. Good night.

Paulo, oh Paulo, where for art thou...

I feel like i hardly post to my journal any more, and when I do it's because I feel like I haven't., GAH. lol.

I know I haven't really written about the drama in my life, partly because it's easier to pretend it's not there and just ignore it, and partly because I'm been too busy writing my English Papers to even consider spending extra time on typing in my journal. So, what prompted this random "POSTPOSTPOST!" happiness? Earlier in the month I posted a "wish-list" sort of thing on the holiday_wishes community that had been spotlighted, and today I got a card from a random girl, and she sent me a blank postcard as well!!! YEAH!

I miss Paul. I miss Paul in the "I-feel-like-my-life-is-falling-apart-be

cause-I-am-so-freaking-lonely-and-we-hardly-ever- talk-any-more-and-I-don't-ever-want-to-lose-you-because-you're-the-best-friend-in-the-world-
and-life-would-suck-with-out-you" sort of way. and thus, I send him postcards. So when I got a random postcard from the middle of nowhere GA it makes me very happy. lol.

Also, I have decided that I will not be driving home until this Friday.

I think I'm falling for some one who is so off-limits it's not even funny.

I have an english paper to go and write. Shoot.

"Y" do you torment me...

Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. After, post this in your journal, and give out some letters of your own


whoa_slowmotion gave me the letter Y:

1. Yummy chocolate cake from the UT bakery
2. Yall: as in...my friends. (I'm trying to be creative as Y isn't exactly an easy letter.
3. Yesterdays: my memories and my life.
4. Yacking on the phone with my friends
5. YSA: Young Single Adults program in the area...a lot of fun and great people
6. Yawning (not only is in an odd word, but an odd thing)
7. Yuletide festivities
8. y as in...the unknown quantity that we are always searching for in stupid math classes (y = mx +b)
9. yelling at football games
10. yearnings for SLEEP

That was one of the hardest things I've ever done. GAH!

Where have you been on my life... firefox!

I absolutely adore this whole firefox thing.

I just downloaded the Christmas theme, and it's SO cute. I love it. I am totally addicted to these stupid themes, but in my defense, I deleted three themes before I downloaded a new one. YEAH!!

Hope every one had a good Thanksgiving. I sure did, and I will be going home again in like...2 weeks and a day.

CHRISSY: Let me know what's going on, and I will try to stop by if you're still around. I am going to be able to leave here on the 12th of December...so yeah for me! lol. I'll come sleep on your couch and cook you breakfast. lol. Give me a call.

It's beginning to look a lot like.... _____________

Today

• Put up and decorate Christmas trees
• WATCH TENNESSEE FOOTBALL WITH DAD
• Go out with Ellen and have an awesome time doing so
• practise song with Becca for Church tomorrow
• sleep

This weekend has just flown by...

Here's the plan...

It is 9:00 am right now.

At 10:10 I will turn in my works cited page

At 11:00 I will get a call from Nick about where to meet him.

At:11:30 I will be going to the airport.

At 12:00 I will be checking in.

At 1:00 I will be on an airplane.

At 5:40 I will be in Washington DC with my Daddy and my Dog.


And then I will sleep.

I'm not emo...

I straightened my hair!!! Yippy!

Ice-be-gone

What in the world is that you may ask? Well, for a fee of $30.00 your own personal USB hookup can keep your drink cold! You heard me right, you plug it into your computer, and your drink is kept cold. No more having to get up to get more ice, enjoy your ice-cold beverage just where you are. This is the latest in computer-must haves!


hahahha....so.....yeah. Thats NOT what I want for Christmas!!!

I never did play with Legos...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA


so yeah. that website is amazing.

shut up... please.

as she lays on her bed singing to her phone I want to stand up and pull my hair out.

Give me a break... or a kit-kat.... either is fine.

This may see selfish...but I hate it when my roommate skips class, because when she SHOULD be in class, I have a break, and I need a little time alone, but she has not been to class ALL FREAKIN' WEEK AND THUS I HAVE BEEN WITH PEOPLE ALL WEEK AND I AM DIEING. I hate it. I haven't had more then 2 minutes to myself at a time. I need to relax, but that is utterly impossible when she lays in her bed all day and talks on the phone really loudly. GAH!!!

Curse our advances

Ok... so I moved from my room to the study room and left my internet cable in there on purpose, but now...thanks to the advancement in technology and the amazingness of wireless internet I can be distracted EVERYWHERE I FREAKING GO! gah. I am doomed. I have a paper due tomorrow. But I do have a most amazing topic that just completely came to me like 5 seconds ago. Previously I just had the average topic, the one that takes the teacher's example and changes it minimally so that it's not plagerism, but no...now, I am made of awesome too!

ETA: Thank you CHRISSY! also: earlier the girls (on my "no boys allowed" floor) where walking up and down the hall knocking on doors because they smelled "boy". Haha, I must admit that there was a rather pleasant smell in the hall, but I was sure it was just some one's body wash, but no, they were SURE it was a boy on the floor. Well, I walked down the stairs and came back up and I realized WHO'S soap it was (My buddy Morgan...she's uber cool.) but yeah, it just made me giggle.

3000 Heat Units Happier

Ha....hahaha...I can't possibly laugh any more...



The first thing about this picture that is absolutely hilarious is the tampon and it's...placement.

The second thing is the reference to his food consumption habits of last night.


aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Whatcha been up to...

i didn't think THIS was even possible...hmmmmm. It goes along with my Sociology class in challenging the ideas of race.

Stare and Scare

I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my ENTIRE FREAKING LIFE. Here are some memorable quotes:

-Brandon...you just ate 3000 calories...oh wait...this little triangle means...oh...that's with out mayo. oops. (A McChicken, plus a BigMac, plus TWO double cheese burgers, but a large fry, a large soda and a McFrezey thing. ah! I about died laughing.)

-Jessica...why are you double cupping? (I am honestly aching as I laugh at this...again. What comes after this line?...) Quote, grabs your BREASTS before they run away. GAH!

-Messy Britches, what's wrong with you!

-Can I get my McFreezy with MiracleWhip instead of mayo, I'm trying to cut back...

-Gosh Clare....you're healthy. (Clare says:) well ya know what...shove it! Here Brandon...eat my lettuce... (And so he stuff the biggest piece of green...stuff in his mouth and says:

-Well, now I've had two double cheese burgers, a McChicken, a BigMac and a salad!



Ok...I was in absolute stiches the entire time, I started almost hyperventilating, and by the time we were leaveing, I was coughing up blood (thanks to the lack of oxygen reaching my lungs!)...but the we just laughed more. GAH! We had 6 people crammed in the tiny car where we proceeded to play "stare and Scare" down the main drag of campus. OHMYGOSH. The funniest thing ever. So here's how this game works.

as the "it" person is kind of leaning out the window a bit, but not in an odd way...just average, like, he stares at a pedestrian on the side of the road and right as your passing them you scream. It is the funniest thing in the entire world. Like, for those of you lucky enough to see my panic attacks (which in actuality are very funny after the fact) this is like...amazingly entertaining, so much so that we went up and down the road three times before going home! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... lol. ouch.

-There are rules to this game...you can't scare just any body. You can't do it to foreigners, black people, homeless people, hobos or anybody with a handicap sticker.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Yeah...just about died laughing. SO FREAKING FUNNY.

Any ways, I know this probably isn't as amusing to any one else, but I had an amazing time!!!

Got Bacon?

Once upon a time...



...and that is the end.

UT vs. LSU

I need a new word. One that describes, not a day, but the last time period of things going on. Like, the last episode of my life...yes. I think that will be what I use from now on...

So in the last episode of my life (Friday @ 10pm to Sunday early morning.) has been one of excitment. It always is. lol. Here's what's going down...in the normal font color (what ever appears on your friends page (mine is white...) are THINGS that have happened, and in a corrosponding color are the way those things made me feel. Ready for this?

• Went to a party at Haley's apartment because it was her birthday....we got pizza and a movie and junk food, and me, Matt, Haley (even though she went to bed before midnight), Heather, and other random people that only stopped by for a little bit watched tv and ate all night. good stuff. We went to bed around one in the morning (and it was just me and heather chilling in the living room. She fell asleep first and I was watching tv.
  
• At 3:30 in the morning (just like every morning) Jake called me. I don't think I've talked much about him, but we've been best friends since 7th grade and we talk every night on the phone. We didn't when I lived in Germany, but before I moved to Germany we did, and then when I was there we talked like, on holidays and stuff like that, but we would chat and e-mail each other. But since I've been back in America he has called me every night, sometimes twice a night. (and I know this is random but...) on Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays I just talk to him at 3ish in the morning because he gets off work at midnight, and he lives in Washington, so he calls me on his way home from work. Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays I call him during the day and wake him up and then he calls me again that night we he gets off work. Some times we talk about stuff, but even when there is nothing to say, we call, just for the sake of calling. I guess we're making up for lost time.) but yeah. This will be important later on....
• At 7:30 in the morning I woke up and turned the TV and the heater off, and then i went back to sleep on the couch.
• At 10:00 I guess the door woke me up, but I sort of twisted around to see the door and Matt was standing in the doorway and it scared the crap out of me and AH! lol. I jumped up and yeah. It was morning, and I was awake with no chance of going back to bed. Matt was there to get painted up for the game, and then Buck showed up to get painted as well. It was a lot of fun.
  
• At 12:30ish I left the apartment and went back to campus so that I could shower, and put my orange attire on (stripped socks, capirs and white Tennessee t-shirt .....) and then I left to go and meet up with the rest of everybody. Gah. I called Matt and he was like "We'll be leaving in like, 15 minutes, so just wait at the institute building (cause that's where I was parked, and they had to park there, and it takes 15 minutes to walk from the institute to Haley's, so it just made more sense to wait there...) well, 35 minutes later they FINALLY show up....had to wait for Haley to get ready.
• We all met up, me, Darth Vol, Haley's the Orange Pirate, and Buck, the local celebrity (he paints his bald head with checkers and he is ALWAYS in the newspapers and all over ESPN on game days.) and we made out walk down to the stadium.

• While at the game the most interesting thing happened. Jake usually calls me really late, but my phone rang and it said it was him, so I answered it, well, turns out it was his most recent girlfriend. I think they've been dating for two weeks, but she called and he final words were "Don't call my fucking boyfriend you bitch" and she hung up. Well, needless to mention he's usually the one calling me and we've been friends for going on five years, and that most definitely trumps two weeks, I was a little bit (read extremely) upset. So yeah.
• We lost the football game. It's cause of the bad karma. Well, actually, it's because Tennessee hasn't been playing football, they just keep getting lucky. We actually were winning, until the last 10 seconds of the game, we just couldn't hold our ground. It sucked.
• After the game we walked back to Haley's apartment where I cooked a pizza and we watched football till one in the morning (except for when I got a phone call from Chrissy and it made my night better because of Jake's psycho girl friend.) and then I ended up here....typing this up for all of my (Chrissy) adoring fans. Haha.
  

YEAH FOR WEEKENDS!!!

Girl's do it best...

So...tonight I went to a friend's apartment for girl's night/ Haley's birthday, and Haley went to bed, and only I showed up. So Heather (Haley's roommate) is asleep on the couch, and I am sitting on the couch typing boring crap on her computer! I would be working on my genre-less novel, but it's at home...on my computer.

I don't like LJ mixed with Firefox spell-check because it doesn't let me check the spelling in the text entry section. It just tells me that it's wrong. GAH. Then I have to keep guessing over and over again until I get it right. It drives me crazy.

So apparently I am un-date-able. Seriously. I just found out that every guy in the ward had a date tonight...and I am here watching CSI by myself...that is horribly exciting. lol. I feel like I am older then 18 years old. Today an old ex-boyfriend called me and asked me if he could come up and visit me. :D Now, laying aside that he's my ex, it makes me very happy, but also puts a big "Don't date me I'm not over my old boyfriends" sign on my face. Which isn't true. (Honestly, we are just really good friends. This is obvious because I haven't written about him at all...) but yeah.

The laptop is very hot on my lap, and so I am going to get off. Have a good weekend, and watch the football game tomorrow! UT vs. LSU!

Words cannot explain...

Tonight I went to a football game at TSD (Tennessee School for the Deaf) and it was....interesting. The team lost, but I didn't watch much of the game because I was watching all of the people sign. When I paused to stop "listening" it wasn't very loud, but inside my head I could "hear" all of the people signing. It was really interesting. :D I liked it a lot. I have a few deaf friends, and I didn't realize until tonight how much easier signing is for me, compared to the other kids in my class. About 5 people from my sign class game to the game, and they all kept looking at me, expecting me to help them out if they didn't understand, and I did, but something else I started doing was even when i was talking to speaking people, I would sign. YEAH! I like it a lot.

The Eye of the Bird's Melody

This is a story one of my friends wrote...it's amazing.

The Eyes of the Bird’s Melody
It’s been four months since move-in day for the university and life has not been the same ever since. It seems like just last night I was walking the stone walk in between the parkway and the foreign exchange dormitory when I began to feel someone behind me.
It was late, maybe eleven or twelve, and I had just got back from work. I was half asleep and dazed from the long night of bagging and slaving over the customers at Ingles. As I began walking back to my dorm room, I noticed how cold the night was. It was by far one of the coldest I could ever remember. I breathed in the musky air; it was thick and rancid. Slowly, as the footsteps from behind began to pick up speed, I began to hear my name be called slowly, “Anna. Anna, I want to talk to you.” I began to run, but he just stayed right behind me. Fiercely, I turned around and stared in his eyes trying not to show him my fear.
“What do you want?” I demanded.
I recognized his face but couldn’t remember where from. It was like I had seen him previously and had already looked right into those deep brown eyes before. He came closer whispering my name with every step. I tried to run, but it was too late. I screamed, but it seemed as if he took my voice and held on to it in his tight grasp between his large dry fingers. My legs buckled into place as his claws dug into my skin like a knife sliding through a stick of butter. His sweat dripped from his pores and a haze of old cologne filled the atmosphere. My teeth were chattering and my hands were shaking fiercely. I heard him murmur but could not make out his words. Once again, I tried to scream but I couldn’t make a sound. With all of his force, he threw me down to the hard concrete below and my world turned into a vast silent blackness.
I woke up shivering in the darkness between the branches of a large bush well hidden from the world. I stood up, looked up into the stars above and began to run. Birds squawking loudly in the distance sang songs of fear and misery. I couldn’t think about what happened and all I wanted was to be back in my room away from the dangers that lurk in the night. I wanted to delete everything that just happened as if I could jsut hit the delete button on my computer and erase all the files that the trashcan contained.
However, I couldn’t delete it, and I still can’t. Four months later, I am still a slave to him. Since that night, he has locked me up inside my own body and has made me stranded from the world in a galaxy of my own. I see his thin deep eyes when I sleep and I have nightmares every night that he will once again return.
Mocking me every time I leave my apartment, the birds fly as a large group covering the sky. They glide through the air as if they were searching for prey and land on the next tree as soon as I am free from their range. I stare into their eyes, thin dark brown eyes glare back at me. They know everything that happened that night, even after I went unconscious. They taunt me of my uncleanness and they share my secret among themselves. I hear their songs as I run to my next class and try to block the noises out of my head.
“Anna Fisher,” The English Professor takes roll. “Is Anna Fisher here?”
I raise my hand high to the Professor’s voice and he nods when he sees it. Every morning he waits for the verbal conformation of presence from all the students with the last name up to Fisher, but after me he looks up for every student’s name until “Ziao.” It is almost like he is waiting to hear the same friendly voice that answered loudly “Here, Professor” the first day of class.
I walk the halls head down in silence and blend into everyone else heading toward their mid afternoon classes. I don’t speak because after that night early in the year, I realized no one ever listens. Even if I scream on the top of my lungs, no one hears. He took my voice and I don’t even know his name.
I sit in my dorm room and stare out the window, the birds are watching me. Their dark brown eyes stare into mine trying to tell me something. Their voices are of the stranger’s, as if he communicates through the birds. They sing songs all at once like they are waiting for something. They hide in the trees and look at me, laughing because they see me huddled by the red velvet window curtain holding a single white rose.
It came earlier today in a small package from The Flower Boutique. I opened it thinking it was from my Mother as an early 19th birthday present. Slowly I read the card attached to the flower, “One white rose to keep you company. One white rose to tell you I miss you.” The color reminds me of a snowstorm in the depth of January and it is as flawless as a new candle with a perfect wick. I hold the flower with the sensation to burn it in front of the window so all the birds can see it and instead I eye them in disgust.
It wasn’t the first present I had received since I moved in. No, one came almost every month. A chocolate heart that probably came from Krogers, a stuffed valentine bear most likely marked half-priced at Big Lots, and before the flower, a set of sterling silver coated Cherokee brand earrings from Target made their way into my mail box. Each present contained one gold card with one or two sentences telling me how he waits for me, never anything more. They were rapped in plain brown packaging material so perfectly it seemed like I would be looking at a display at the local UPS store. Nothing, not even a stamp or mailing address distorted the perfect parcel. It was only my name in a cursive much like the French Script type on Microsoft Word that was disrupting the bare exterior.
“Someone is waiting for you in the lobby,” a voice came from my doorway; it was someone from my floor. I looked over my shoulder at the tall blonde girl, stared and didn’t say a word.
“He says it’s urgent, you better come fast.”
I started to tremble and looked into her eyes. She had eyes filled with joy and comfort and carried a sense of passion for life. I don’t know why, but with her by my side, I started to loose my fear of who I was going to meet just nine floors below.
As I exited the elevator an man that much resembled my own father with his soft blue eyes and genuine smile approached me, “Are you Ms. Anna Fisher?”
I nodded my head.
“A young sir died earlier today in a car wreck about a block away from the campus and when we found him this picture was in his hands. Is it yours?
I looked right at the picture, it was me one year ago lying on a bench waiting for a bus to go to Chicago in order to visit my Grandma. A grungy middle-aged man wearing a red pleated jacket asked if he could take the photo of me for his art gallery posted in town. As he was snapping one shot after another I remember looking into his thin dark brown eyes and feeling a sense of terror. He kept glaring at me, and even after the film ran out, he stood there just five feet away until my bus pulled into the depot. Remembering thiseincounter, I whispered to the man, “He is dead? From a car crash?”
“Yes, but I need to know…This picture, is it of you?”
“I was visiting my grandmother a year ago; I was on that bench for what seemed like forever because the bus got delayed.”
The man looked at me and asked me if I would be able to come to the police station for questioning. I nodded.
As we arrived at the Twenty-First Street station, the police asked if I had seen the man anytime after the bus depot incident around town. It was then that I described the dark night at the beginning of the school year. I told him of how the man smelled and the way his broad stature was illuminated from the moon light, the way he spoke, and the power he possessed within his eyes. I mentioned my state of darkness caused by the crash of his large dry hands against my face, and then waking up blinded from the world. He trapped me inside myself and controlled me. Ever since that night I felt his presence lurking behind me and I new he was close, ready to strike again.
The police looked at me and I could see his tears bottled up above his cheeks. He said sternly, “It was tonight. Tonight was the night he was supposed to come back for you. In his car he had a revolver on the passenger seat wrapped in a pink scarf. Was that your scarf, Anna?”
My heart began to pound almost twice as fast as before while I listened to his voice and I replied, “Yes,” and my interview came to a close.
As I got out of the squad car and walked back toward my dormitory, I looked to the trees towering over the buildings. The birds were no where to be found.

What does that meeeeean?

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change the courage to

change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference..."

I had decided not to go to church tonight. But then some one called and said they

were going to pick me up and take me.

I don't know whether or not to find this person's actions rude, or consider it a sign.

I am not very objective, because what I want fully depends on me and what I think.

I wish I had no feelings.

Oh my....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...


7daysinasentra

ahem... that is all.

InnerTube

It's not YouTube, it's InnerTube!

So yeah. It pretty much exactly the same as tv (it has shows (like CSI and what not) and there is one commerical about every 15 minutes, but it's just one, and much better then no tv.... yeah!

Yet again I got in....extremely late last night. It seemed like the numbers worked out nicely last time, so I shall try that again!

1. Yesterday when I got back I went to bed around 7:30 or 8, and then I slept for an hour. It wasn't like, relaxing sleep, because I had to wake up in time to be at the church by 10 in the morning (so leaving at 9:30, so being awake by nine....) and so it was more of a closing my eyes and trying to just relax a bit, even if I wasn't sleeping.
2. At nine I woke up, got church clothes on and went to the church. There was another baptism of one of of my friends, and so I went to support her. She's this tiny cute little girl (except she's in her lower 20's) and she is SO happy all the time. I like her a lot, and I knew she would be disappointed if I didn't show up. Lol, she was so happy to see me that she ran out of the picture they were trying to take to 'tackle' me.....i guess is how to describe it. :P
3. After the baptism we chilled for a little bit, then I had to get my car washed because I parked under a tree and had these tiny little seeds stuck all over my car, and I ended up paying $60 to get it all taken off. Which is kind of sucky, but they cleaned the inside really good too. lol. eh. I'm not going to think about it.
4. After that I was supposed to go to a Halloween party at 3, and I had planned on getting there around 5:30, cause it was going to last until 6, but I decided not to. (Cause I was asleep, and each time my alarm went off, I would set it for later, and I finally just turned it off.)
   
5. Tonight for the football game they were supposed to go to this one guy's house, but instead we decided to go to Kelsey's house (because there were no adults there....lol. It's her grandparent's house, but they were out of town....) The game started at 7:45, and I left my dorm at 7:45 and got there around 8:15 (cause I got lost, it should of only taken me 15 minutes, but oh well. We ate food and watched Tennessee win at South Carolina! WOOT! It was a good game to watch, and a lot of fun to just hang out with every one. I really enjoyed it.
   
6. After the game most people left, we ended up with Me, Kelsey, Matt, Brian and Lyndsi there and we watched a movie (She's the Man) and just sort of laid around. I love hanging out with these people. Even doing nothing is cool! lol.
   

Last night I ended up getting home around 3:30, but it was really 2:30 because of daylight savings...so all is good. This morning I am going to church twice...well...sort of. I am going to sacrement meeting, and then sunday school, and then I am going to MY sacrement meeting, and then I will be off like a mad man to go get ready for my concert!!! lol. I am expecting quite a few of my friends to show up, but I'm not getting my hopes TOO high. In any case, my concert is at for, we are performing Mozart's Requiem and Ave Verum (both Mozart pieces, the first being 51 minutes in length) and then I will probably go back to my dorm and SLEEP!!! lol. Something I haven't gotten much of this weekend, but that is honestly ok to me, because I had an awesome time!

Me....and my hair...lol. It may not look like much, but it's fluffy!

MORE LATER....

I will be putting up the rest of my pictures after church/concert. :P

Staying Strong, All-night Long...

So, tonight I pulled my first "all-nighter". I mean, I've stayed up till five in the morning, slept for two hours and gone to class, but it is 7 in the morning and I am still going strong. lol. Here's how the day played out:

1. I went to my English class where we had get to know you friday, which officially is my favorite waste of time. We pick a question, then as she goes down the roll call we each answer the question and today's question was "What is your most irrational fear" and that took up like 45 of the 55 minutes of the class, then she talked about signing up for english 102, and we were done! WOOT!
2. I took the bus to my dorm...now what I did there is a complete mystery because I don't remember, but I do remember leaving my dorm, walking to the bus stop, then getting off the EW to catch the NS bus, and that was a hoot! lol. Not really a problem, just kind of a pain since it was raining.
3. I took the bus to the institute building where we have friday forum every friday. Pretty much a different ward/stake/area member comes and talks to the group that shows up for about an hour and we eat free food. I mean.....free food. I would come if I wasn't mormon! lol. The thing is, today the speaker came early, and some one else was there early, but they got there when brother R was gone to get the food, so they thought it had been canceled so they left....so really it was just free food with interesting converstation about different parts of church history.
4. After that I sat on the back porch of the institute building with John and we talked for about 3 hours about History. Mostly WW2 and all the different aspects of that. But it was fun and interesting, because John is such a sweety. WOOT! lol. he really is a great guy. But then we were talking, and i lost track of time, and I realized it was 3:30, and my choir rehearsal started at 3:30, so I was like "ah!" and Matt showed up at the oppertune moment to offer me a ride so i didn't have to walk in the rain! YEAH! lol.
   
5. I then had choir rehearsal where we practised Mozart for 2 and a half hours straight. EH. I am really starting to not like music as much as I used to.....sadly. But it was good. Our concert is on Sunday, and it is going to be amazing. =D
6. After choir rehearsal I went to dinner with some choir friends. Ok...gay people talk about sex more then any one I have ever met. There was not one remark at the table that was not sexual in some way. And it was very uncomfortable, but at the same time funny. :P 3 gay men and 2 straight girls in the perfect combination. It's interesting...like...they hug and kiss me (cheek...) and it honestly doesn't seem like anything to me. I am such a touchy feelly person, and I know that I kind of stopped being that way when i moved to germany, but OH i like it. lol. (That was not sexual at all...just honestly what i was thinking.)
7. After the dinner I had like 30 minutes to find and put together a costume, and so I wrapped a sheet around myself, and I am going to have to put this stuff back on because every thought I was wearing a formal....it was very amusing. like, honestly, if I had owned this sheet bad in highschool....I would've worn it to prom. I shall try and get a picture up soon. :P
8. So I got ready and WENT to the halloween party, which was not the high light of the evening, but it was most definatly fun. lol. A little bit of dancing, some apple bobbing, a sack race and a costume contest, but like, I dunno. I may go into that more later...but probably not. It was just odd.....BUT:
9. From there a group of us went to IHOP and I didn't think I would need money, so I didn't money or anything, and it kind of made me laugh, because in Germany I never would've considered needing money at any sort of church function, but here we hang out, then we go to a church thing, the we go eat, then we hang out more! It's pretty intense! lol. (For example, yesterday, we went to a baptism....then we went out to dinner. It was good. But yeah....any who. ALWAYS...lesson learned.) But I just got water, cause I had eaten a a little bit before (previously when I mentioned dinner, while I did have a sandwhich in front of me only about three bites made it into my mouth....Chrissy, this conversation was.....eh. Like...ew.....lol. Gayness is something very new to me. but we spent the time talking about what they do when drunk! it was...disturbing, yet amusing. lol. But yeah, not much food eaten there. So when we went to IHOP (I was almost tempted to type iHop...haha...) I just got water, 1) cause i didn't have money and 2) cause I had eaten a bit before and was planning on going home to eat a bit more. Well, apparently that's not allowed, and....completely with out asking me and ANYTHING this guy (his name is Brian he's obviously nicer then I thought he was....) ordered me a smiley face chocolate chocolate chip pancake. ha ha. It was amazing.
   
10. So, after that my ride left with out me, so I ended up at Kelsey's house for the "Let's watch Montey Pithon" cause that's what we quoted at dinner (ok...dinner started at midnight....) and after mr. montey we told ghost stories, and then after that we watched saved, and then after that it was 7 in the mornning and My Pancake hero gave me a ride home
    
11. and now I'm here.... writing a journal entry at 7:23 in the morning!
    

Isn't life beautiful? I had a wonderful night. The most recent funny thing is the guys out side my window that keep repeating the Rufio chant from Hook where the leader goes "Rufio, rufio," and the lost boys yell "RU-FI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" So yeah. My most recent amusment. I am going to go now because I have a baptism to go to at 10. And I am thinking I can go and get a nice big breakfast and WOOT. Man...i am relaxing this weekend, it is going to be awesome....except sunday, which is going to be stressful. But oh well.

HOLY FREAKIN' COW MACROLE!!!!

I am as addicted to firefox themes and add ons as I am to facebook and livejournal and myspace and other stuff like that.
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Today I went to my choir practise and we sang for two hours straight. Oh my goodness for heaven's sake. Seriously, I got to insitute, and sat down to play the piano and I started and was like *I HATE MUSIC*. I am so sick of singing and choir. It's just tiring. When I have good posture and make an effort to sing the right way, my back and my abs hurt, like it's an actual work out for me. And so standing for 2 hours straight (while cramping BAD) and gah! It was just painful. lol. But, I'm feeling a lot more confident about the concert. It is going to be good.
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I despise my roommate with a strong firey passion. EHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHHEHEHEHJOHRJWRNJKDNFSsk

djvkjrdnfvn,. Yeah. That's how I feel right now. AH I just want to die. I may of said this already, but I went to talk to my RA about it, and after talking to her about my problems, i asked if there was any way to change rooms, ya know, incase I feel like killing myself....but yeah. She was like "There is a way to change rooms, but I would have to sign off on it as your RA, and I really think you need to work out your problems." OHMYGOODNESSSHOOTMENOW. work out my problems? I'm not a pig, I do my laundry regularly (unlike SOME people...) I bath daily, I sleep at night and am awake during the day. If she wants to go to sleep, I move down to the study room. If i"m going to be gone for a day or two, I let her know. She drives me nuts. She is sloppy and inconsiderate. She sleeps during the day and is up all night, she does laundry once a month and eh. Our room smells bad. Like, I hate it. The other day I was having people over, and I picked up the room. i CLEANED my side, made the bed picked up everything and cleared off counters and desks and what not, and then I vaccumed, and then my half looked amazing (I'm generally a pretty clean person, but it looked like the pictures they want people to see of dorm rooms to get people to live there.) but he half was disgusting. I made her bed for her, and cleaned up all of the trash that was ALL over the place, i folded the clothes that she had all over the place and put her books on the shelf, but it still looked terrible. I felt horrible having people over when ew! lol. I have this candle, and I melt the wax with a lighter (cause we can't have lighted candles...lol.) but it's a strong candle, but yeah. It is almost impossible to get the smell to go away.
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In other bad news....remember the new headphones i bought? Well, they are completely useless now because I dropped my mp3 player and it broke and doesn't work any more, like...it doesn't play music and there is no way to turn it off...I even pressed the tiny reset button, and nothing happened. WHICH SUCKS...because now I'm screwed and have no music and nothing to use my new headphones on....(except my computer and the tv's at the gym...) but yeah. I was getting used to wearing them on the bus and what not. so GAH to the evil demands that make my life SUCK!
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I hate/despise/loath astronomy with a strong firey passion like you have no idea how much it sucks. It's a two hour lecture...two consecutive hours, and the teacher is very very boring....I'm not sure how to make this stuff interesting, but I really am not liking it.I have an exam in it tomorrow...so this is going to be interesting. The first test I didn't study for and I got a C, the second test I got an A on, and so hopefully I'll do well on this one too. WOOT! lol.
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Another problem adding to my room is that it's on the second floor, and the smoking spot for all the cool kids is right below my window, so it is constantly smelly in here. I gave in a second ago and lit the candle. Hopefully it'll help. :P
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Some one please tell me how to make this stupid spell checker work...bitte. It just shows up all red, but I don't know how to change it to the correct spelling or add words to the dictionary. So yeah. any help would be greatly appreciated!!




Well, I hope that every one has a wonderful rest of the week!

Remember When...

...and when I think about it, I don't remember....but when I don't really care to remember...I can't forget.

Isn't it odd how things seem to follow you around? I am in the concert choir here at UT, and all of their concerts are on Sundays. I knew this, and I still signed up for the choir. Well, I was recently 'called' as the Relief Society Pianist (I play piano in the old lady meeting.) and turns out...CHURCH IS ON SUNDAY TOO! lol. Ok, so I already knew that. But the RS president called me today cause she "hadn't seen me in a while" and wanted to "just make sure you're ok and everything is going smoothly." She is a very thoughtful lady, but lately that hasn't seemed to matter.
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I used to be the kind of person where thoughts were as good as deeds. "It's the thought that counts." I called it wholesomely optimistic, always giving people the benefit of the doubt. But lately, this other crude side of me doesn't seem to care if people had good intentions or not. I really don't like myself any more. I know this seems odd, but I actually see a big difference in the high school me and the college me, and I liked the HS me better.
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I turned in my English paper today. It is four and a half pages long and not very interesting. Again, back to the "I wish i cared about this" but I truly deeply don't. I stayed up last night doing the final editing, and now I'm just tired, but choir was post-poned until almost four because we're having a dress rehearsal for the concert.

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speaking of which, I have a concert on Sunday! lol. We are singing Mozart's Requiem (which incase you didn't know is entirely in latin and hard to sing.) and it should be a good show. We are also singing Ave Verum (another Mozart piece), but I've previously sung it (at Honors last year.) so yeah!!!
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other then that I recently bought new earphones because mine got lost/broken/stolen or something of that nature, and I gave up looking.

Quote of the Day: "Do you remember when we used to sing in English?" ...."Oh yeah...those were the good ol' days."

Thought of the Day: "That's the thing about faith. If you don't have it you can't understand it. And if you do, no explanation is necessary." ~ Major Kira Nerys (from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

Lie Day

I randomly ride the bus around campus. Usually after a class where I have a long break and it's not meal time, I will ride the bus instead of walking. Each bus driver is a little different, and each bus has it's own things going on too. It is kind of funny. One bus driver is this old lady and she doesn't say much...and the bus is ALWAYS silent, even when it's packed with people to the point where the doors will barely close.

Well, today I got on a random bus (because there's not an actual schedule, the buses just drive in a circle around campus) and I was the first and only person to get on the bus and the driver said "Welcome to lie day!" And I giggled a little bit and then went and sat down. Well, as other people got on the bus (about 2 or 3 other people...) he started requesting lies. "To ride in first class you must tell a lie." and it got pretty funny, like every one on the bus was in on the conversation. VERY amusing. So yeah, as I got off he was like "Since you didn't tell me a lie when you got on, you have to tell me one before I'll let you off." So, my lie was "I hope you have a HORRIBLE day." and everyone laughed and life is good.
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The end.

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oh, the other thing is...I kind of like my layout. I am thinking that I am content enough with my basic LJ right now, and that I will forgo getting a payed account until I see how long I keep up my spree of updating.

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Also, I have this friend, his name is Bill. lol. (fyi style.) He drives me up the wall, but in the sibling sort of way. I think he feels kind of responsible for me (poor, innocent little freshman that I am...ha...) and he is constantly doting on me and calling me and checking on me and that is not the annoying part. The annoying part is when...he's annoying. lol. I dunno. Some times it's like he expects me to read his mind, or ...yeah. That pretty much covers everything. I am not a mind reader. More to come on Bill later, I need a lot more patience and time to write about this.

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I talked to my RA today about my roommate and how she is driving me crazy and how I hate life and everything sucks and I was like "Is there any way to change rooms?" and she was like "There is, but I would have to sign off on it, and I think you really need to work through this." which pretty much translates to "I want you to live in hell all year long."

Thanks. I really appreciate your understanding.
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CHRISSY: I learned all of the family signs today!!!! lol. It was cool cause I remembered some of the things you taught me (once upon a time at 4 in the morning-ish) and so yeah. It was good. lol. My teacher was really funny about it, cause she picked to people from the class and she told us about them meeting and then dating and then being engaged and marriage and then when they had children she went onto the brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousins ect. sort of stuff.
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I have to go because I have two papers that I have to correct and turn in tomorrow. So even though I will probably write more in just a few hours (or less) I must at least START on my homework.

Lost & Found

When you find something of value you have two (well...two if you're an honest person, three if your dishonest.) choices.

1. Leave the item where it is so that the person can come back and find it (but leave it open to possibility that some one else my take it.)
2. Take it, but call the home number or "dad" or "mom" number listed to try and return the phone OR (for the dishonest people)
3. Take it and count it among your own possesions.

Well, today I found a cell phone and a pair of car keys...left on the counter in the bathroom with no one in sight. Like, the bathroom was completely empty and there was no one in the hall. So I picked it up and carried it around asking people if they'de lost a phone/keys, and then I gave up. So I called the home number, no answer. Then out of no where "Dad" popped up on the screen and he was calling, so I answered it the rest is history (she got her phone back).

Would it of been better to of left it where I found it? I had no intentions of keeping it (it was exactly the same phone as mine...so it's not like it would've even been a gain of any sort...but that's beside the point, I'm not the type of person to find and keep.), but a similar thing happened earlier this year when I found an mp3 player in a class room. Would it of been better to leave it there for some one else to find, or do like I did (pick it up and then leave a "found" sign on the white board.).

Some people appreciate it, and some people don't. oh well. (Both of my experiences where good, they were both thankful, I just wonder how other people feel about.)

Realization

I am alone.
I am surrounded by people,
but alone.
I look around,
searching for that face.
The one in my dreams,
that tells me I'm ok.
The one that tells me
"things will work out".

I am confused.
I have learned so much,
but confused.
I look around,
searching for that face.
The one that follows me,
whispering in my ear.
The one that tells me
"things will be fine".

I am alive.
I am not living,
but alive.
I look around,
searching for that face.
The one that is so familiar,
The one that won't leave me,
pushing me further from my dreams.
The one that tells me
"Don't try, you won't win".

I am trying.
I am failing,
but trying.
I look around,
searching for that face.
The one that haunts my thoughts,
The one that murders my hopes
and drowns my asspirations.
The one that tells me
"You can't".

Penguins...

It is very cold outside. Not the "snow on the ground, be happy and enjoy the crispness of the air" kind of cold, but "It's too cold to just wear a sweatshirt, but too warm to wear a sweatshirt and a coat, but if you don't wear a sweatshirt under your coat, you can't take the coat off so HA HA you have to look like a penguin on your way to class" kind of cold. (Because I know the weather thinks these things out and plans it so that I look funny when I am out and about.

Also. I can not find a matching set of anything. None of my socks are matched in colors any more. Like, the sock is white, but the toe is a different color, and so the purples, pinks, greys and yellows are all mismatched. I am also lacking in a hat and gloves that match. I know I have a set of purple ish ones that match my jacket (and by a set I mean gloves, hat and scarf) and I also have an orange set, but I can't find the gloves to the purple or the hat to the orange.

I am also sinking very low on the hygene table right now. I think I've been wearing the same sweatshirt and pants since.....sunday evening. I take them off and change my underclothes and t-shirt, and then put them back on... lol. This morning I climbed out of bed and walked to class. I got there and had the sudden realization that I was braless! Woops. It didn't matter cause i slept with three shirts and two pairs of pants on (plus my 3 blankets and a thick pair of socks.), but it was just kind of a suprise. One of those "look how low you have sunken Jessica!" moments. oh well.

In other news, I wish that I lived one floor up so that I could take the elevator without getting the dirty looks that people send my way for riding the elevator up one floor. ha ha! GUESS WHAT!? I don't care any more. If I feel like taking the stairs...I shall. But if for some odd reason I don't want to take the stairs....I'm not going to make myself. I've come to the point where I don't care what people think any more. I don't care about their stares or snide remarks (because I'm paying just as much as they are, and if I can take the stairs, so can they!) and this is applying to more then just the elevator.

Yesterday I cleaned the room. Like, everything except for her desk. (I even made her bed.) My visiting teachers came over, and this is like, a church thing. It's kind of like having assigned friends that come and teach you a predetermined lesson every month. It was nice, I love the girls that are my VTs, so it's not really awkward. They brought pizza and we hung out for a while, looked and pictures and talked. I hate it when something (a lesson per say) seems like it is exactly what you need to hear, but it's not the answer that you're looking for. But any ways, yeah, I cleaned the room. My roommate has more hair then any one I have ever met, and her thick black hair is always all over the carpet, and it get's into these little balls, and I always end up picking it up (I don't dare use the vaccuum, cause I might break it.) and I wish she wasn't such a slob. Like seriously, it is driving me so crazy that I am about ready to organize her stuff (and i don't care if she doesn't like it, cause she's never here. So it's kind of like I'm the only one here, and I really don't like the mess.).

I am addicted to caffine. Now, all religeous beliefs and ideas aside, i get the worst headaches now if I don't drink something with caffine in it. It seriously is an addiction, and I really don't like it. It's helped me see why other things are so much harder to give up (like smoking and drugs and what not.) but yeah. I need to stop, because I need to start sleeping at normal hours, and that isn't going to happen if I keep drinking as much mountian dew as I do.

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Quote of the day: girl: "I don't understand..." teacher: "What don't you understand....I literally JUST said....2 + 2 = 4." girl: "I know, but I couldn't see the board." teacher: *in stun-ed-ness* "but i just said it?!?!"

Thought of the day: "In order to be effective truth must penetrate like an arrow, - and that is truely likely to hurt." Posthumous Pieces by Wei Wu Wei