Dishes...

This morning B-man says "What do you want me to do?" I wasn't sure what he meant, but I asked him if he would PLEASE dispose of the copious amount of chocolate cake in out fridge, using whatever method he deemed appropriate. He did not eat it. But, he did proceed to take out the trash, dispose of the cake, wash the dishes, dry them, and put them away.

Then he says, "What do you want me to do?" And I said... "I think my new chair is kind of lopsided... could you take a look at it?" And he did. He took it apart, then put it back together.

Then I got in the shower. When I came out of the bathroom I saw this:

Wait, what's happening?!?!?

Some people may look at this and go "I would love it if my husband cleaned more. Well let me tell you, it's not all hunky doory. Things start to disappear, or you may end up with desk that look like this. I went into the bedroom for one second, and my clothes in the bathroom just disappeared!

I am kind of teasing though. It is frustrating when he just kind of... "put's things away," but at the end of the day, or... at 3:30 in the afternoon, I am so thankful for all of the things my sweet husband does for me. To be honest... I don't really want to wash dishes or do laundry, or vacuum - who does?! But, B-man takes good care of me, and I'm probably among the luckiest girls in the world. Want to know a secret?

Since we've been married, I can count the number of times I've done dishes on one hand. If my hand only had 2 fingers... it would still work. I hate dishes.

He loves me.

The young are crazy.

So, for a while now I've been kind of falling in love with this guy, slowly but surely. So... I had been talking with a friend, and had come up with ya know, present the hypothetical scenario "I (me... Jessica), really like this guy... bob... but bob like's a mutual friend of ours... let's call her sue.... little does bob know, sue likes joe. What should I do? Should I tell Bob that I'm falling for him, or just leave it be and ignore it?" And Jon being... Jon... said "honesty is the best policy". So, we talked a little bit more about the situation, and I said that I haven't said anything because I've been hurt badly before, and I don't want it to happen again. Any ways, (this all happened while I was driving him home), when he got out of the car, I half way wanted to just leave it at the hypothetical situation and let him ponder a little bit, but I couldn't, so I said "Jon... you're bob." And there ya go. I told a guy that I like him... that I'm pretty much crazy about him. He was nice enough to let me know that he thought he was really like "sue", but after spending some time with her, realized that he would rather just be friends, and that we will go on a date or 5 (he makes me laugh), and see how things go. I then had to let him know that I was just putting it out there, and he could think on it for a while before saying anything... because i think he felt like I was expecting an answer, but eh.

any who... that's my journal post of the month.

Dear Dallas

I'm not really sure what to say to you. I know we kind of ended the summer on a bad note...more, I ended the summer on a bad note, and I don't know if you over analyze things like I do, but I've done a lot of "growing up" this year. I wanted to talk to you about when I randomly called you, but you were with your family, and I couldn't. You really had been on my mind that day, and I'm not sure if I told you why. Lol, it was actually very amusing. This guy was talking about some road-kill story, and I guess it had the same affect as the kamikaze bunny...or what ever it was, I don't even remember, but he was like "Jessica, are you all right? You kind of look funny..." and I wanted to attempt to tell him about you nearly running over that thing, but I figured it wouldn't of been funny to them. Oh well.

I hate thinking. I really do. I mean, I gah. lol. When it comes to you, I never have the right words to explain what I am trying to say, but I've realized that it's been awhile since I tried talking to you, and that I have come to a realization. you were my one and only. you were my shining star. my light in the darkness, your eyes still make me weak, your touch still makes me blush, your voice still takes my breath away, the thought of you makes me smile. but they always will... you were my first love. they say you never really fall out of love with your first love. i believe it. i just had to tell you myself. i've finally moved on. i've finally let myself. i'll never forget you or how you made me feel. i'm a better person because of you. for the longest time I've been saying that I regretted what we did, and ever being "involved" with any one, but the truth is, I don't, it just hurt too much to admit that not only had I loved being in love, but that it was over and gone a long time ago, and probably my fault.

I guess you could say I've matured a little, and I hope that we can at least be acquaintances, keep in touch, be friends. I know you kind of wanted this before, but then well, Thanksgiving and the summer pretty much left me in a big puddle of confusion. But it doesn't matter now. Can we start over? Just friends. Please.

-Jessica

Paulo, oh Paulo, where for art thou...

I feel like i hardly post to my journal any more, and when I do it's because I feel like I haven't., GAH. lol.

I know I haven't really written about the drama in my life, partly because it's easier to pretend it's not there and just ignore it, and partly because I'm been too busy writing my English Papers to even consider spending extra time on typing in my journal. So, what prompted this random "POSTPOSTPOST!" happiness? Earlier in the month I posted a "wish-list" sort of thing on the holiday_wishes community that had been spotlighted, and today I got a card from a random girl, and she sent me a blank postcard as well!!! YEAH!

I miss Paul. I miss Paul in the "I-feel-like-my-life-is-falling-apart-be

cause-I-am-so-freaking-lonely-and-we-hardly-ever- talk-any-more-and-I-don't-ever-want-to-lose-you-because-you're-the-best-friend-in-the-world-
and-life-would-suck-with-out-you" sort of way. and thus, I send him postcards. So when I got a random postcard from the middle of nowhere GA it makes me very happy. lol.

Also, I have decided that I will not be driving home until this Friday.

I think I'm falling for some one who is so off-limits it's not even funny.

I have an english paper to go and write. Shoot.