I feel crushed.

So, here's the deal, me and my two "best friends" were going to get an apartment together. We'll call them Kate and Sarah (sorry if that is some one's name on my flist and I didn't realize it... nothing personal), well. Kate and I have been best friends the whole year, we've been really close, and yeah, I've never connected with some one like I did with her. Sarah moved here about a month ago, and we clicked really well. She graduated last semester, and she's 21, Kate is my age.

Well, I found us a two bed room apartment for the three of us, and Kate and I were going to share a room. Well, I had everything organized, I got my parents to go along with it, even though the whole time they were kind of skeptical, telling me to be really careful, but everything seemed like it was fine. Well, on Saturday (un-known to me) Sarah went to Kate with a proposition that "Jessica doesn't NEED and apartment, she just wants it." and pretty much told Kate (who by the way, just got kicked out of her house for getting baptized, so is... sehr poor with few options) the optimatum "like with me(Sarah), and we can kick Jessica out, or find some where else to live", and Kate definitely doesn't have too many options, and had no where to stay for the summer, so she decided to stay with it. Well, they told me last night, Sarah using the excuse of "I'm just too stressed and I need my space" and yeah... i was "voted off the island"... even though it was my island.

Well, today I talked to my mom, and she said "If the paying for the summer is a problem, talk to Kate and tell her we'de be willing to pay half for the summer, and then just she and I could room together. Well, she felt bad about ditching Sarah... meanwhile, I had until 5 pm today to cancel my housing contract with the university, so pretty much she just let time run out so she didn't have to make a decision. Well, she also chose the girl she's known for a few weeks over the girl she's known the whole year.

I hope they're happy. I will be living in a single room with a complete stranger for an entire year. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to be friends with them any more, but we all have the same friends, and there is no was to avoid them unless I stop going to church.

A New Day Has Come

BIOLOGY 101 029 LEC 09:40A-10:55A TR
BIOLOGY LAB 03:35P-05:30P W
ECONOMICS 201 023 LEC 11:10A-12:25P TR
ECONOMICS LAB 09:05A-09:55A M
ED INTER 335 001 LEC 03:40P-04:55P TR
EDUC PSYCH 210 004 LEC 05:05P-06:20P TR
MUSC ENSBL 380 001 GMI 12:20P-02:15P MW
POLIT SCI 102 005 LEC 02:10P-03:25P TR
RELIGION 398 001 LEC 06:30P-08:00P W

Here are my classes for next semester. Biology, Intro to Econ, ASL 3, Educational Psychology, Concert Choir, and Intro to Political Science.

18 Hours total. I declared a teaching minor, and now I just need to find a major. It doesn't really matter what I major in, as long as it's in Arts and Sciences. ASL is not in arts and sciences, so I can't do that. I will probably end up doing psychology or something like that. I dunno.

My schedule is really nice though. Monday is Econ lab in the morning, choir at noon, tuesdays and thursday I have class from 9:40 until 6:20, the bulk of it all. And then wednesday I have choir at noon and biology lab from 4- 5:30 and religion from 6:30 to 8. WOOT!!!

What is America coming to...

so earlier today Brandan told me there was a shooting at v-tech. I hadn't heard much about it, I don't watch the news, but I left for choir at "1 dead", left choir at "22 dead" and got back to my dorm room, turned the tv on and the death toll was listed as "31 dead". Brandan's ok... Chrissy... in case you haven't talked to him.

Save me fromt he dark abyss of dark abyssness!

So.. it's been a while...

I keep saying this over and over again, but i understand why my friends that graduated before me disappeared for like a year before they started being socialable. I am DIEING! I have so much school work and church and... parties... lol that I don't have enough time to sit around on my computer any more. It's Thursday, but sadly I was ready for the week to be over on Monday, and Wednesday felt like it should be Friday, and everything was just mixed up, and the week is almost over and I feel like I've missed most of it! Go figure.

Last weekend I went to Nashville with some friends to go to the temple and it was amazing. I had done a session and was waiting for some of my friends. The weather was beautiful, the air was delicious, and everything was perfect. I just did a bit of reading and wrote in my actual journal (which is why this journal is suffering, because I have been writing in my real journal, which only has about 15 pages left in it.). Then on Monday I had to write two papers, and I had a math test to study for. It was sort of pretty much terrible because I didn't get back till 9:30, and I didn't get anything done Sunday because I had church, and then a fireside.

I'm not a slacker, it's important to realize that, but I've kind of been slacking a little bit, and I need to pick things up. I've started doing homework when it's assigned, instead of waiting till the night before (which is how I got through my first semester), and I've also decided after a few months of confusion and doubts that I like my religion, and I still believe what I previously said I believed, just in a little bit different way. I feel like a little bit of a hypocrite now, but I'm working on being a better person, and that's all that matters I guess.

I've got to run off to my philosophy class, but I'm going to try and update more then once a month.

I won't grow up... I don't wanna go to school...

I feel like I'm being forced to grow up, and it is too much for me. some days i just want to crawl back in bed and hide from the sun, pretend like it never came out, and that it is night. Today I found out that a dear friend of mine tested positive for HIV. I never dreamed that some one so close to me could be affected by this, and it makes me worry that more of my friends are in the same boat, but not willing to talk about it. Along with that, I also found at that a friend from my graduating class has cancer and is going through chemo.

These people are both the same age as me, and they are being faced with the sudden reality that we are not as invincible as previously believed. No one should have to deal with this at 18. Or 19 or 20 or ever. Why do horrible things like this exist.

I'm invisible.

I'm too busy right now to write anything. lol. I'm on my way out to go to a party, but... eventually I will get around to writing again... now i understand why my friends that left for college last year became invisible people that didn't get online to chat or post any more. :P

Madness I tell you... shere madness

finished my first day of classes... that was hellish.

I have buckled down. I am actually doing the assigned reading, and trying to do a bit extra so that when I eventually "fall behind" I will actually be exactly where I am supposed to be. My enlgish class is called "Inquiry into Madness" and it is very interesting, and the teacher is hilarious. We are reading "One flew over the Cuckoo's nest, and some people in the class had already read it, and I hadn't, so I made this ambitious desicion to read the book, before she starts assigning reading, so that it's easier to understand the second time through. I have a problem with reading. I just don't like it. But this book is pretty interesting, so it shall be interesting.

I also had psychology today, which was a huge auditorium style class, and I wasn't expecting it to be so big (and neither was the teacher) but it'll be fine as long as I sit in the front.

I also had my math class today and the only thing good to report is that I met a really cute guy. He's not gay (as far as I can tell) and he's older than me. We got in these groups to do the stupid word problems from the book (speaking of which... I must go look at the book because it's not my thing...) and like, the teacher would assign a problem to the group, and this guy would have it figured out before any of us could think about it. Which, in all honesty sucks for me, because I need to be able to think things through.

I also had Choir today, which was awesome and amazing and all of those wonderful words. I love it.

Then after that I went to the Institute building and signed up for three classes. I am also going to be volunteering at the Tennessee School for the Deaf. I had a nice conversation with a man that works at the school, and he gave me some names and numbers of people to contact about volunteering there, so we shall see how things work out.

Other then that Institute was nice tonight, and then I went to the library, read a BUNCH, and now I am going to get in the shower and go to bed. Tomorrow I will wake up around 8:30, go to the gym, do some homework and then go to my one class of the day.

I see you doing lots of homework....

Your schedule for SPRING 2007 is:

Acad Disc	Title	Course Number	Instruction Mode	Time	Days	Instructor	Credit Level	Credit Hours
ED INTER	ASL 2	226	LECTURE	05:05P-07:45P	M	OSBORNE, TERRY E.	U	3
ENGLISH	Inquiry into Madness	102	DISCUSSION	08:00A-08:50A	MWF	ABERNATHY, JESSICA LEIGH	U	3
MATH	Mathematical Reasoning	113	LECTURE	03:40P-04:55P	TR	TURNER, MATTHEW D.	U	3
MUSC ENSBL	Concert Choir (By Audition Only)	380	ENSEMBLE	12:20P-02:15P	MW	BATEY, ANGELA LYNN	U	4
PHILOSOPHY	Contemporary Moral Issues	242	LECTURE	05:05P-06:20P	TR	RIKER, WALTER J.	U	3
PSYCHOLOGY	General Psychology	110	LECTURE	09:05A-09:55A	MWF	SAUDARGAS, RICHARD A.	U	3

Woot woot.

I have a big bed

webstergurl06 (3:01:03 AM): do you still live with a parent?
The1 AndOnly (3:01:08 AM): yeah
webstergurl06 (3:01:12 AM): hehe
webstergurl06 (3:01:15 AM): lol
The1 AndOnly (3:01:19 AM): but you can stay in my room
The1 AndOnly (3:01:32 AM): i have a big bed
webstergurl06 (3:01:35 AM): woot!
webstergurl06 (3:01:36 AM): lol
webstergurl06 (3:01:44 AM): if I come down, I'm probably going to stay at Michelle's
The1 AndOnly (3:01:50 AM): oh ok
The1 AndOnly (3:02:08 AM): dang got my hopes up then crushed them
webstergurl06 (3:02:11 AM): haha
webstergurl06 (3:02:17 AM): we'll see what we can work out

eh... was that an attempt to get in my pants that I completely BLEW UP! hahaha....it didn't even occur to me that he was coming onto me until...well...he'd left. haha. oh well.


hahahahaha... good times.

Time to sing.

As the "ker-plink" of hail hit the window of my dorm room, I get about for AIM messages of "OHMIGOODNESS...it's snowing." to which I am required to reply..."Honey...snow doesn't sound like that." lol. Looking outside it is like a snow/hail bit. It's a mix.

Tonight: Finish one page. Double spaced. Size 12. This may not seem like a challenge, and it shouldn't be. But I've already spit out 4 and a half on this topic, and I'm kind of out of things to say. AH!

Friday: YSA Christmas Party, Princess Party/Girl's night

Saturday: Study for math exam, go ice skating?

Sunday: Church, visit w/ Heather and Jenn, Church Christmas production

Monday: Study more for Math Exam, Caroling Gig

Tuesday: Math Exam

Wednesday: Study for Sociology Exam

Thursday: Sociology Exam, Caroling gig, ice skating/ family home evening

Friday: Drive home

Saturday: Sleep

And then life will be good. This next week could not possibly go by any faster. I am now going to go and finish this paper, and then go to bed! But, before I do that, let me enlighten every one to what has be doing the happy dance:

MY ROOMMATE IS MOVING OUT!!!!

and that is all. Good night.

Paulo, oh Paulo, where for art thou...

I feel like i hardly post to my journal any more, and when I do it's because I feel like I haven't., GAH. lol.

I know I haven't really written about the drama in my life, partly because it's easier to pretend it's not there and just ignore it, and partly because I'm been too busy writing my English Papers to even consider spending extra time on typing in my journal. So, what prompted this random "POSTPOSTPOST!" happiness? Earlier in the month I posted a "wish-list" sort of thing on the holiday_wishes community that had been spotlighted, and today I got a card from a random girl, and she sent me a blank postcard as well!!! YEAH!

I miss Paul. I miss Paul in the "I-feel-like-my-life-is-falling-apart-be

cause-I-am-so-freaking-lonely-and-we-hardly-ever- talk-any-more-and-I-don't-ever-want-to-lose-you-because-you're-the-best-friend-in-the-world-
and-life-would-suck-with-out-you" sort of way. and thus, I send him postcards. So when I got a random postcard from the middle of nowhere GA it makes me very happy. lol.

Also, I have decided that I will not be driving home until this Friday.

I think I'm falling for some one who is so off-limits it's not even funny.

I have an english paper to go and write. Shoot.

shut up... please.

as she lays on her bed singing to her phone I want to stand up and pull my hair out.

Give me a break... or a kit-kat.... either is fine.

This may see selfish...but I hate it when my roommate skips class, because when she SHOULD be in class, I have a break, and I need a little time alone, but she has not been to class ALL FREAKIN' WEEK AND THUS I HAVE BEEN WITH PEOPLE ALL WEEK AND I AM DIEING. I hate it. I haven't had more then 2 minutes to myself at a time. I need to relax, but that is utterly impossible when she lays in her bed all day and talks on the phone really loudly. GAH!!!

3000 Heat Units Happier

Ha....hahaha...I can't possibly laugh any more...



The first thing about this picture that is absolutely hilarious is the tampon and it's...placement.

The second thing is the reference to his food consumption habits of last night.


aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Stare and Scare

I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my ENTIRE FREAKING LIFE. Here are some memorable quotes:

-Brandon...you just ate 3000 calories...oh wait...this little triangle means...oh...that's with out mayo. oops. (A McChicken, plus a BigMac, plus TWO double cheese burgers, but a large fry, a large soda and a McFrezey thing. ah! I about died laughing.)

-Jessica...why are you double cupping? (I am honestly aching as I laugh at this...again. What comes after this line?...) Quote, grabs your BREASTS before they run away. GAH!

-Messy Britches, what's wrong with you!

-Can I get my McFreezy with MiracleWhip instead of mayo, I'm trying to cut back...

-Gosh Clare....you're healthy. (Clare says:) well ya know what...shove it! Here Brandon...eat my lettuce... (And so he stuff the biggest piece of green...stuff in his mouth and says:

-Well, now I've had two double cheese burgers, a McChicken, a BigMac and a salad!



Ok...I was in absolute stiches the entire time, I started almost hyperventilating, and by the time we were leaveing, I was coughing up blood (thanks to the lack of oxygen reaching my lungs!)...but the we just laughed more. GAH! We had 6 people crammed in the tiny car where we proceeded to play "stare and Scare" down the main drag of campus. OHMYGOSH. The funniest thing ever. So here's how this game works.

as the "it" person is kind of leaning out the window a bit, but not in an odd way...just average, like, he stares at a pedestrian on the side of the road and right as your passing them you scream. It is the funniest thing in the entire world. Like, for those of you lucky enough to see my panic attacks (which in actuality are very funny after the fact) this is like...amazingly entertaining, so much so that we went up and down the road three times before going home! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... lol. ouch.

-There are rules to this game...you can't scare just any body. You can't do it to foreigners, black people, homeless people, hobos or anybody with a handicap sticker.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Yeah...just about died laughing. SO FREAKING FUNNY.

Any ways, I know this probably isn't as amusing to any one else, but I had an amazing time!!!

UT vs. LSU

I need a new word. One that describes, not a day, but the last time period of things going on. Like, the last episode of my life...yes. I think that will be what I use from now on...

So in the last episode of my life (Friday @ 10pm to Sunday early morning.) has been one of excitment. It always is. lol. Here's what's going down...in the normal font color (what ever appears on your friends page (mine is white...) are THINGS that have happened, and in a corrosponding color are the way those things made me feel. Ready for this?

• Went to a party at Haley's apartment because it was her birthday....we got pizza and a movie and junk food, and me, Matt, Haley (even though she went to bed before midnight), Heather, and other random people that only stopped by for a little bit watched tv and ate all night. good stuff. We went to bed around one in the morning (and it was just me and heather chilling in the living room. She fell asleep first and I was watching tv.
  
• At 3:30 in the morning (just like every morning) Jake called me. I don't think I've talked much about him, but we've been best friends since 7th grade and we talk every night on the phone. We didn't when I lived in Germany, but before I moved to Germany we did, and then when I was there we talked like, on holidays and stuff like that, but we would chat and e-mail each other. But since I've been back in America he has called me every night, sometimes twice a night. (and I know this is random but...) on Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays I just talk to him at 3ish in the morning because he gets off work at midnight, and he lives in Washington, so he calls me on his way home from work. Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays I call him during the day and wake him up and then he calls me again that night we he gets off work. Some times we talk about stuff, but even when there is nothing to say, we call, just for the sake of calling. I guess we're making up for lost time.) but yeah. This will be important later on....
• At 7:30 in the morning I woke up and turned the TV and the heater off, and then i went back to sleep on the couch.
• At 10:00 I guess the door woke me up, but I sort of twisted around to see the door and Matt was standing in the doorway and it scared the crap out of me and AH! lol. I jumped up and yeah. It was morning, and I was awake with no chance of going back to bed. Matt was there to get painted up for the game, and then Buck showed up to get painted as well. It was a lot of fun.
  
• At 12:30ish I left the apartment and went back to campus so that I could shower, and put my orange attire on (stripped socks, capirs and white Tennessee t-shirt .....) and then I left to go and meet up with the rest of everybody. Gah. I called Matt and he was like "We'll be leaving in like, 15 minutes, so just wait at the institute building (cause that's where I was parked, and they had to park there, and it takes 15 minutes to walk from the institute to Haley's, so it just made more sense to wait there...) well, 35 minutes later they FINALLY show up....had to wait for Haley to get ready.
• We all met up, me, Darth Vol, Haley's the Orange Pirate, and Buck, the local celebrity (he paints his bald head with checkers and he is ALWAYS in the newspapers and all over ESPN on game days.) and we made out walk down to the stadium.

• While at the game the most interesting thing happened. Jake usually calls me really late, but my phone rang and it said it was him, so I answered it, well, turns out it was his most recent girlfriend. I think they've been dating for two weeks, but she called and he final words were "Don't call my fucking boyfriend you bitch" and she hung up. Well, needless to mention he's usually the one calling me and we've been friends for going on five years, and that most definitely trumps two weeks, I was a little bit (read extremely) upset. So yeah.
• We lost the football game. It's cause of the bad karma. Well, actually, it's because Tennessee hasn't been playing football, they just keep getting lucky. We actually were winning, until the last 10 seconds of the game, we just couldn't hold our ground. It sucked.
• After the game we walked back to Haley's apartment where I cooked a pizza and we watched football till one in the morning (except for when I got a phone call from Chrissy and it made my night better because of Jake's psycho girl friend.) and then I ended up here....typing this up for all of my (Chrissy) adoring fans. Haha.
  

YEAH FOR WEEKENDS!!!

Words cannot explain...

Tonight I went to a football game at TSD (Tennessee School for the Deaf) and it was....interesting. The team lost, but I didn't watch much of the game because I was watching all of the people sign. When I paused to stop "listening" it wasn't very loud, but inside my head I could "hear" all of the people signing. It was really interesting. :D I liked it a lot. I have a few deaf friends, and I didn't realize until tonight how much easier signing is for me, compared to the other kids in my class. About 5 people from my sign class game to the game, and they all kept looking at me, expecting me to help them out if they didn't understand, and I did, but something else I started doing was even when i was talking to speaking people, I would sign. YEAH! I like it a lot.

The Eye of the Bird's Melody

This is a story one of my friends wrote...it's amazing.

The Eyes of the Bird’s Melody
It’s been four months since move-in day for the university and life has not been the same ever since. It seems like just last night I was walking the stone walk in between the parkway and the foreign exchange dormitory when I began to feel someone behind me.
It was late, maybe eleven or twelve, and I had just got back from work. I was half asleep and dazed from the long night of bagging and slaving over the customers at Ingles. As I began walking back to my dorm room, I noticed how cold the night was. It was by far one of the coldest I could ever remember. I breathed in the musky air; it was thick and rancid. Slowly, as the footsteps from behind began to pick up speed, I began to hear my name be called slowly, “Anna. Anna, I want to talk to you.” I began to run, but he just stayed right behind me. Fiercely, I turned around and stared in his eyes trying not to show him my fear.
“What do you want?” I demanded.
I recognized his face but couldn’t remember where from. It was like I had seen him previously and had already looked right into those deep brown eyes before. He came closer whispering my name with every step. I tried to run, but it was too late. I screamed, but it seemed as if he took my voice and held on to it in his tight grasp between his large dry fingers. My legs buckled into place as his claws dug into my skin like a knife sliding through a stick of butter. His sweat dripped from his pores and a haze of old cologne filled the atmosphere. My teeth were chattering and my hands were shaking fiercely. I heard him murmur but could not make out his words. Once again, I tried to scream but I couldn’t make a sound. With all of his force, he threw me down to the hard concrete below and my world turned into a vast silent blackness.
I woke up shivering in the darkness between the branches of a large bush well hidden from the world. I stood up, looked up into the stars above and began to run. Birds squawking loudly in the distance sang songs of fear and misery. I couldn’t think about what happened and all I wanted was to be back in my room away from the dangers that lurk in the night. I wanted to delete everything that just happened as if I could jsut hit the delete button on my computer and erase all the files that the trashcan contained.
However, I couldn’t delete it, and I still can’t. Four months later, I am still a slave to him. Since that night, he has locked me up inside my own body and has made me stranded from the world in a galaxy of my own. I see his thin deep eyes when I sleep and I have nightmares every night that he will once again return.
Mocking me every time I leave my apartment, the birds fly as a large group covering the sky. They glide through the air as if they were searching for prey and land on the next tree as soon as I am free from their range. I stare into their eyes, thin dark brown eyes glare back at me. They know everything that happened that night, even after I went unconscious. They taunt me of my uncleanness and they share my secret among themselves. I hear their songs as I run to my next class and try to block the noises out of my head.
“Anna Fisher,” The English Professor takes roll. “Is Anna Fisher here?”
I raise my hand high to the Professor’s voice and he nods when he sees it. Every morning he waits for the verbal conformation of presence from all the students with the last name up to Fisher, but after me he looks up for every student’s name until “Ziao.” It is almost like he is waiting to hear the same friendly voice that answered loudly “Here, Professor” the first day of class.
I walk the halls head down in silence and blend into everyone else heading toward their mid afternoon classes. I don’t speak because after that night early in the year, I realized no one ever listens. Even if I scream on the top of my lungs, no one hears. He took my voice and I don’t even know his name.
I sit in my dorm room and stare out the window, the birds are watching me. Their dark brown eyes stare into mine trying to tell me something. Their voices are of the stranger’s, as if he communicates through the birds. They sing songs all at once like they are waiting for something. They hide in the trees and look at me, laughing because they see me huddled by the red velvet window curtain holding a single white rose.
It came earlier today in a small package from The Flower Boutique. I opened it thinking it was from my Mother as an early 19th birthday present. Slowly I read the card attached to the flower, “One white rose to keep you company. One white rose to tell you I miss you.” The color reminds me of a snowstorm in the depth of January and it is as flawless as a new candle with a perfect wick. I hold the flower with the sensation to burn it in front of the window so all the birds can see it and instead I eye them in disgust.
It wasn’t the first present I had received since I moved in. No, one came almost every month. A chocolate heart that probably came from Krogers, a stuffed valentine bear most likely marked half-priced at Big Lots, and before the flower, a set of sterling silver coated Cherokee brand earrings from Target made their way into my mail box. Each present contained one gold card with one or two sentences telling me how he waits for me, never anything more. They were rapped in plain brown packaging material so perfectly it seemed like I would be looking at a display at the local UPS store. Nothing, not even a stamp or mailing address distorted the perfect parcel. It was only my name in a cursive much like the French Script type on Microsoft Word that was disrupting the bare exterior.
“Someone is waiting for you in the lobby,” a voice came from my doorway; it was someone from my floor. I looked over my shoulder at the tall blonde girl, stared and didn’t say a word.
“He says it’s urgent, you better come fast.”
I started to tremble and looked into her eyes. She had eyes filled with joy and comfort and carried a sense of passion for life. I don’t know why, but with her by my side, I started to loose my fear of who I was going to meet just nine floors below.
As I exited the elevator an man that much resembled my own father with his soft blue eyes and genuine smile approached me, “Are you Ms. Anna Fisher?”
I nodded my head.
“A young sir died earlier today in a car wreck about a block away from the campus and when we found him this picture was in his hands. Is it yours?
I looked right at the picture, it was me one year ago lying on a bench waiting for a bus to go to Chicago in order to visit my Grandma. A grungy middle-aged man wearing a red pleated jacket asked if he could take the photo of me for his art gallery posted in town. As he was snapping one shot after another I remember looking into his thin dark brown eyes and feeling a sense of terror. He kept glaring at me, and even after the film ran out, he stood there just five feet away until my bus pulled into the depot. Remembering thiseincounter, I whispered to the man, “He is dead? From a car crash?”
“Yes, but I need to know…This picture, is it of you?”
“I was visiting my grandmother a year ago; I was on that bench for what seemed like forever because the bus got delayed.”
The man looked at me and asked me if I would be able to come to the police station for questioning. I nodded.
As we arrived at the Twenty-First Street station, the police asked if I had seen the man anytime after the bus depot incident around town. It was then that I described the dark night at the beginning of the school year. I told him of how the man smelled and the way his broad stature was illuminated from the moon light, the way he spoke, and the power he possessed within his eyes. I mentioned my state of darkness caused by the crash of his large dry hands against my face, and then waking up blinded from the world. He trapped me inside myself and controlled me. Ever since that night I felt his presence lurking behind me and I new he was close, ready to strike again.
The police looked at me and I could see his tears bottled up above his cheeks. He said sternly, “It was tonight. Tonight was the night he was supposed to come back for you. In his car he had a revolver on the passenger seat wrapped in a pink scarf. Was that your scarf, Anna?”
My heart began to pound almost twice as fast as before while I listened to his voice and I replied, “Yes,” and my interview came to a close.
As I got out of the squad car and walked back toward my dormitory, I looked to the trees towering over the buildings. The birds were no where to be found.

Yet again I got in....extremely late last night. It seemed like the numbers worked out nicely last time, so I shall try that again!

1. Yesterday when I got back I went to bed around 7:30 or 8, and then I slept for an hour. It wasn't like, relaxing sleep, because I had to wake up in time to be at the church by 10 in the morning (so leaving at 9:30, so being awake by nine....) and so it was more of a closing my eyes and trying to just relax a bit, even if I wasn't sleeping.
2. At nine I woke up, got church clothes on and went to the church. There was another baptism of one of of my friends, and so I went to support her. She's this tiny cute little girl (except she's in her lower 20's) and she is SO happy all the time. I like her a lot, and I knew she would be disappointed if I didn't show up. Lol, she was so happy to see me that she ran out of the picture they were trying to take to 'tackle' me.....i guess is how to describe it. :P
3. After the baptism we chilled for a little bit, then I had to get my car washed because I parked under a tree and had these tiny little seeds stuck all over my car, and I ended up paying $60 to get it all taken off. Which is kind of sucky, but they cleaned the inside really good too. lol. eh. I'm not going to think about it.
4. After that I was supposed to go to a Halloween party at 3, and I had planned on getting there around 5:30, cause it was going to last until 6, but I decided not to. (Cause I was asleep, and each time my alarm went off, I would set it for later, and I finally just turned it off.)
   
5. Tonight for the football game they were supposed to go to this one guy's house, but instead we decided to go to Kelsey's house (because there were no adults there....lol. It's her grandparent's house, but they were out of town....) The game started at 7:45, and I left my dorm at 7:45 and got there around 8:15 (cause I got lost, it should of only taken me 15 minutes, but oh well. We ate food and watched Tennessee win at South Carolina! WOOT! It was a good game to watch, and a lot of fun to just hang out with every one. I really enjoyed it.
   
6. After the game most people left, we ended up with Me, Kelsey, Matt, Brian and Lyndsi there and we watched a movie (She's the Man) and just sort of laid around. I love hanging out with these people. Even doing nothing is cool! lol.
   

Last night I ended up getting home around 3:30, but it was really 2:30 because of daylight savings...so all is good. This morning I am going to church twice...well...sort of. I am going to sacrement meeting, and then sunday school, and then I am going to MY sacrement meeting, and then I will be off like a mad man to go get ready for my concert!!! lol. I am expecting quite a few of my friends to show up, but I'm not getting my hopes TOO high. In any case, my concert is at for, we are performing Mozart's Requiem and Ave Verum (both Mozart pieces, the first being 51 minutes in length) and then I will probably go back to my dorm and SLEEP!!! lol. Something I haven't gotten much of this weekend, but that is honestly ok to me, because I had an awesome time!

Me....and my hair...lol. It may not look like much, but it's fluffy!

MORE LATER....

I will be putting up the rest of my pictures after church/concert. :P

Staying Strong, All-night Long...

So, tonight I pulled my first "all-nighter". I mean, I've stayed up till five in the morning, slept for two hours and gone to class, but it is 7 in the morning and I am still going strong. lol. Here's how the day played out:

1. I went to my English class where we had get to know you friday, which officially is my favorite waste of time. We pick a question, then as she goes down the roll call we each answer the question and today's question was "What is your most irrational fear" and that took up like 45 of the 55 minutes of the class, then she talked about signing up for english 102, and we were done! WOOT!
2. I took the bus to my dorm...now what I did there is a complete mystery because I don't remember, but I do remember leaving my dorm, walking to the bus stop, then getting off the EW to catch the NS bus, and that was a hoot! lol. Not really a problem, just kind of a pain since it was raining.
3. I took the bus to the institute building where we have friday forum every friday. Pretty much a different ward/stake/area member comes and talks to the group that shows up for about an hour and we eat free food. I mean.....free food. I would come if I wasn't mormon! lol. The thing is, today the speaker came early, and some one else was there early, but they got there when brother R was gone to get the food, so they thought it had been canceled so they left....so really it was just free food with interesting converstation about different parts of church history.
4. After that I sat on the back porch of the institute building with John and we talked for about 3 hours about History. Mostly WW2 and all the different aspects of that. But it was fun and interesting, because John is such a sweety. WOOT! lol. he really is a great guy. But then we were talking, and i lost track of time, and I realized it was 3:30, and my choir rehearsal started at 3:30, so I was like "ah!" and Matt showed up at the oppertune moment to offer me a ride so i didn't have to walk in the rain! YEAH! lol.
   
5. I then had choir rehearsal where we practised Mozart for 2 and a half hours straight. EH. I am really starting to not like music as much as I used to.....sadly. But it was good. Our concert is on Sunday, and it is going to be amazing. =D
6. After choir rehearsal I went to dinner with some choir friends. Ok...gay people talk about sex more then any one I have ever met. There was not one remark at the table that was not sexual in some way. And it was very uncomfortable, but at the same time funny. :P 3 gay men and 2 straight girls in the perfect combination. It's interesting...like...they hug and kiss me (cheek...) and it honestly doesn't seem like anything to me. I am such a touchy feelly person, and I know that I kind of stopped being that way when i moved to germany, but OH i like it. lol. (That was not sexual at all...just honestly what i was thinking.)
7. After the dinner I had like 30 minutes to find and put together a costume, and so I wrapped a sheet around myself, and I am going to have to put this stuff back on because every thought I was wearing a formal....it was very amusing. like, honestly, if I had owned this sheet bad in highschool....I would've worn it to prom. I shall try and get a picture up soon. :P
8. So I got ready and WENT to the halloween party, which was not the high light of the evening, but it was most definatly fun. lol. A little bit of dancing, some apple bobbing, a sack race and a costume contest, but like, I dunno. I may go into that more later...but probably not. It was just odd.....BUT:
9. From there a group of us went to IHOP and I didn't think I would need money, so I didn't money or anything, and it kind of made me laugh, because in Germany I never would've considered needing money at any sort of church function, but here we hang out, then we go to a church thing, the we go eat, then we hang out more! It's pretty intense! lol. (For example, yesterday, we went to a baptism....then we went out to dinner. It was good. But yeah....any who. ALWAYS...lesson learned.) But I just got water, cause I had eaten a a little bit before (previously when I mentioned dinner, while I did have a sandwhich in front of me only about three bites made it into my mouth....Chrissy, this conversation was.....eh. Like...ew.....lol. Gayness is something very new to me. but we spent the time talking about what they do when drunk! it was...disturbing, yet amusing. lol. But yeah, not much food eaten there. So when we went to IHOP (I was almost tempted to type iHop...haha...) I just got water, 1) cause i didn't have money and 2) cause I had eaten a bit before and was planning on going home to eat a bit more. Well, apparently that's not allowed, and....completely with out asking me and ANYTHING this guy (his name is Brian he's obviously nicer then I thought he was....) ordered me a smiley face chocolate chocolate chip pancake. ha ha. It was amazing.
   
10. So, after that my ride left with out me, so I ended up at Kelsey's house for the "Let's watch Montey Pithon" cause that's what we quoted at dinner (ok...dinner started at midnight....) and after mr. montey we told ghost stories, and then after that we watched saved, and then after that it was 7 in the mornning and My Pancake hero gave me a ride home
    
11. and now I'm here.... writing a journal entry at 7:23 in the morning!
    

Isn't life beautiful? I had a wonderful night. The most recent funny thing is the guys out side my window that keep repeating the Rufio chant from Hook where the leader goes "Rufio, rufio," and the lost boys yell "RU-FI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" So yeah. My most recent amusment. I am going to go now because I have a baptism to go to at 10. And I am thinking I can go and get a nice big breakfast and WOOT. Man...i am relaxing this weekend, it is going to be awesome....except sunday, which is going to be stressful. But oh well.