A prior engagement...

So when Brandan and I decided to get married we had a few things to get in order first. At the time there was no ring, no official proposal. There was a promise - and that was enough.

This is the first picture of Brandan and I after we started dating. If you want to know more about each of us, check out our blog!

In May Brandan and I started dating, and I knew the first night that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He and I had been friends for many years, and he had seen me through so many hard times, that I honestly could not imagine my life with out him. I could go on and on about how perfect he is, and how he is the perfect compliment to crazy - me! A few weeks after we started dating the topic of marriage came up, and by the end of the conversation we had decided to get married.

Shortly after I told my parents we were going to get married, my mother offered a family heirloom diamond for us to use in my engagement ring. I'm a rather sappy person, so this was extremely exciting to me. My mom put the ring in a "tooth fairy" box that belong to my sister, and I gave the ring to Brandan.

(Apparently my picture went missing, I hate having

dead links. Maybe I will find the picture again....)

I was still learning how to use my camera, and I wish I had done a better job of photographing

this before we had the diamond reset. At least I have these pictures!

At the end of the summer I went back to school with a promise. The cat was out of the bag and every one knew our plans, but I was still ringless. I did not think this was a big deal, but apparently it is. Because Brandan had not officially proposed, I was subject to many awkward "So let's see that ring!?" moments, and then an explanation about the lack of gold on my finger. There wasn't much I could do about it though, with Brandan going to school 4 hours away we didn't get to see each other very often, but we probably spent more time talking than people who live in the same city.

Brandan and my parents made the eight hour trip with me and all of my belongings back to school. It was a long drive, but we made it one day. Brandan came to help me move in, and I was so greatful. It was the middle of August, and it was the last time we would get to see each other for a while. We spent the night in my new apartment, and the next morning I waived goodbye to Brandan, Mom and Dad. I cried. No lies.

A few weeks later I went to visit him. We had been talking about getting the diamond set, and I was worried he was going to spend too much money on it. I really just wanted something simple. So, instead of letting him flounder around and try and guess what I want, Brandan and I went to the local jewler at his school, and I picked out a simple gold setting. They took the diamond out of the original setting, and said it would be a week or two, that they would call Brandan when it was ready.

When the time rolled around Brandan called me to tell me he had picked up the ring. At this point I preceded to beg for a picture. He was relentless, and he said I would have to wait for it. I knew we would be seeing each other in a few weeks, so I knew that I was going to get it eventually, but I'm not very good at waiting!

Before I went back to school my Dad had bought two tickets to one of my University football games. I think he was planning on dragging my mom along, but the plans changed, and he brought Brandan instead - picking him up along the way. The evening of September 12th they rolled into town. My dad went off to meet up with some old college friends (He went to the same school I go to now) and Brandan and I decided to go for a walk. The weather was hot and balmy, that's September in Tennessee for you! I live really close to World's Fair Park, and so we walked over there. We wet up into the Sun Sphere because Brandan had never been up there, and then we walked around the park, eventually settling on a concrete bench on the pond, across from the sunsphere. I sat on the bench, and Brandan stood in front of me, holding my hands. He said some very sweet things, and then pulled the gold box out of his pocket and asked me to spend the rest of eternity with him. I don't remember if I actually answer him when he asked me to marry him. I was too busy kissing and hugging and trying not to cry - but I'm sure I got my point across. Walking back to my apartment I had the biggest smile on my face, and it felt amazing.

There you have it! These were the first pictures I took of my ring. My dad came back from his dinner, and I showed him. Of course - none of this was a surprise, but actually having something that makes it real feels good.

The next day Brandan and I met up with my Dad to go to the football game. I had a seat in the student section, but I moved into the upper level seating so I could sit with them!

My new ring with Neyland Stadium in the background!

Brandan and I infront of the opening "Power T"

The weekend felt so short. My dad left Saturday, and Brandan stayed the rest of the weekend - I drove him home the following Monday. Now armed with the commercialized symbol of Love I was off to show all of the people who had previous rolled their eyes when I didn't have "the ring."

Honestly, it is wonderful to have a physical reminder of the promises we've made to each other, but I think that the real testament to our relationship is the way my stomach flutters when I hear his voice, or when I feel like crying tears of joy everytime we are reuinited. He has always been there for me, and he has seen through so many hard times, that I know he's here to stay - he's mine for keeps. No amount of jewlery is going to prove that. That being said... I'll still take it if you're giving it to me!

Roll with the punches...

A few days ago some of my family told me that they would not be attending my wedding, for various reason. That really hurt my feelings. I've gone to their things, even though it was different from my own faith - but apparently tolerence only applies to certain people. It's disappointing, but I know that my family loves me, and it's going to be ok.

In other news! When that small internal crisis had passed, something else blows up. That something else being Becca's spleen. So... it hasn't exploded yet - but it sucks. A week ago she was diagnosed with mono, and they told her that he spleen was very swollen. So, they put her on some pain killers and told her to wait it out. Well... now she has a kidney infection, so she can't take the pain meds, OR her asthma medicines. It sucks to be Becca right now. I feel so bad and helpless. Not that I would be any more help if I were in the same state, but all I can do is spam her with messages of encouragment. 

Sometimes I just want a little sympathy. I want some one to say "yeah, that does suck - I'm sorry!" and then let me move on. When people tell me that my worries are not warrented, or that my feelings are invalid - it just makes me more upset. The last week has had plenty of emotional events, throw that on top of it being the week before the curse, and all I want to do is sleep. As I so ellogquently informed B-man this morning "the oxygen supply to my uteral lining has currently been cut off, and I don't know if that's ever happened to you - but it's rather painful right now... so give me a break. I'll be nicer tomorrow."

On a happier note! My bff Chrissy is coming down to visit me for her (super early) spring break. It is Wednesday, and she will be here on FRIDAY! Like... when I wake up tomorrow, I will be seeing Chrissy that next day. It is beautiful. We have Friday - Tuesday. My birthday is on Monday, and then she is going down south a little bit to visit some other friends, and then coming back up, stopping at my apartment for the night, and then Saturday she is driving home to NoVa and I am driving to VA Tech to pick up b-man, since he doesn't have a car. Then we get to spend a whole week together!

It really sucks being so far away.  For a while Brandan and I were reading scriptures together every night, but with the different homework loads (neither of us has as much as the other at the same time!) so we don't do it together very often. We have read books together, but we finished that one. I guess we're kind of taking a break from the reading together for a while. That's ok. I hate reading. We also send each other pictures so that there is always something new. I write him letters, and usually I scan and e-mail it to him, but once a week I actually write him a card or letter and mail it off.

I'm sure every one has spent some time away from their S.O., so how have you dealt with it? Did you have any "traditions" to help you guys stay on the same page?

How much more?

So the other day I wrote this beautiful long blog entry about getting engaged, and I included pictures and everything and it was so wonderful. I showed it to Brandan and it warented an "awww! I love you!!!" from him. That means it was good. In any case, Blogger decided it was not worth holding on to and has thus disappeared from any one's reading scope. Normally I would just re-write the entry, trying to recreate the feelings I was having at the time, but I am currently so over whelmed with negative emotions that any hope of rekindling that flame is gone, for now. One day I will get around to it again (and I will save it on my hard drive before publishing!). 

In the mean time, I am rather upset, as of lately. Some of my extended family has (not so) graciously informed me that either a) I am not planning a wedding that meets their expectations, or b) they would rather go on vacation. Yes. You read that correctly. Noting that the vacation plans where made months after I announced my wedding date AND them saying that the wedding is too close to school starting (let me get this straight... it's ok to go on vacation the week before school starts, but going to one of your counsin's weddings is too much to ask? Oh, you only have 8 counsins to begin with? oh... ok... I understand. not.) I'll just cut to the chase.

That really hurts my feelings that I do not deserve your love and support at this time. Heck, what is family for? In any case, I have been rather worked up over this whole thing, and I have a head ache, and I'm going to take a nap. 

The End.

Meh! Holy cow. lol. I'm just trying to get through my days right now. I know this seems lame - but after spending 10 days straight with Brandan I am constantly almost in tears because I can't stand being all alone. Boo. Thankfully Christmas break is just around the corner. Tomorrow I will edit my draft and finish my 10 page paper for Environment Issues, Tuesday and Wednesday will be devoted to my Child Psych exam. My other exams don't have a book, or a study guide - so that should be interesting. Ah! Now... it's 8 pm. I'm tired... soo guess what! I'm actually going to bed.

woot!

meh.

Oh goodness gracious great balls of fire. Maybe I'm experiencing a little case of jealously. I got engaged way back in... May techincally, but Sept 12 "officially" - and we're waiting until August to get married. A very close family friend just got engaged at the end of October.... and they are getting married in February. I don't know why it bothers me so much, maybe I feel like he's kind of showing me up, or maybe I'm just jealous that he'll be married before me - either way it really bothers me. I'll get over it.

ummm... what?

So... any one watch that presidential stuff last night? I'm slightly perturbed, but handling it well.

Buh bye Fulmer...

Spent the weekend with my Bran-man, drove back to UT Sunday night. I got to chat with my BFF Chrissy from high school, and then I spoke with my mom on the phone for a while. The four hour trip went by really quickly. That was nice.

When I went to get my football ticket today I found out that Phillip Fulmer has resigned. He will finish out the season, and then he'll be done. It's kind of a weird feeling - I mean, I knew it was going to happen, but it just seems so out of place. Who's the new coach going to be?

Other than that - all of the views that I follow are of people who are "recently" married, and those who have little tiny children and babies and ah! My ovaries are constantly twitching. Too cute!!! Ah!

I wish I could start this journal entry out with "Brandan and I went to the football game..." but alas, B-man is 250 miles away working his little heart out on a class project. I went to the football game with some friends from church though, and I had a really good time, despite losing. We were playing Alabama, and it was a decent game for a while, but honestly - I'm glad we lost because now there is a good chance we will get a new coach. Change is good.

I am no closer to having a wedding planned, but I am kind of leaning towards a light blue color. Maybe. I'm not sure. We'll see. That's all I have for this evening. I was waiting to read scriptures with the B-man, but he has a lot of work to get done, so it might just be me tonight.

Go Vols!

Looks like a small turn around. We kicked some butt this evening. There were only a couple of "Holy-cow-what-the-heck-are-you-doing-CATCH-THE-BALL!!!" moments. There were more "YEAH!" moments. So... that's good. In any case, Football = good.

I haven't seen Brandan in a week, and I don't think we're going to see each other again until the beginning of November. I keep pretending that it's not that bad, but it really sucks being so far away. We have 9 months and 28 days. Nine month and twenty-eight days until I can fall asleep next to B man every night and wake up twenty time in the night to make him stop snoring. Lol, romantic, I know. ;) It's just that he's four hours away, and it sucks. Mostly... I'm cold right now from being at the game and I wish we were snuggling right now. Boo.

New things in my life; I got my first credit card. Nothing too excited. I have a five hundred dollar limit, but that won't mean anything, since I have no intetions of every actually using it for more than 20 bucks a month. That way I know I can pay it off.

I had my first girl-dr visit last week. That was fun. I'll be starting birth control in a few weeks. Fun stuff, I know. I also had a dr. appt for my hip, and I have been sentenced to some more physical therapy. Probably a couple of months. We'll see. I don't know how the Christmas break is going to go with that - I will probably have to do stuff on my own. lol. I'm supposed to do that on my own any ways, I'll need to blow up my yoga ball again.

The end. I am just waiting for Brandan's game to end, so that he can call and we can read scriptures together. Then I'll climb into bed.

Virginia Technically...

So... right now I am sitting in the Computer Science "lounge" thingy at Virginia Tech while Brandan is chillin' it up in his Algorithms class. Yes - buckets and buckets of fun, I know. On Friday I drove up here to visit B-man for the weekend. The days just seem to fly by - I don't now where the time goes, but half of my wishes it would last longer, and the wiser smarter half of me goes "heck yes! We're getting closer to August!" lol.

Where did the time go, and why did it stop moving?

Summer came to a screeching halt as Brandan and I parted ways to head back to school. I'm all moved into my spiffy new apartment, I'm loving my roommates, and trying my best to enjoy UT. I had planned on transferring, and while that plan was very real, and very close to happening - even when I was "going" to BYU, it felt so out of reach - like I knew it would never physically materialize with me living it Utah. Brandan came down the second weekend in August and actually proposed - got down on one knee and asked me to spend eternity with him. I know I'm kind of breezing threw all of this, but eh! Oh well. lol. So, now I'm engaged, I have a ring (for some reason it's a big deal. My mom said "Well... since you have to be engaged for a year, at least you got a pretty ring to show people!" gah! I would rather just have my Bran-man.).

I'm loving my roommates, but especially my suitemate, A. She is hilarious. She is constantly talking about awkward things - but with out being terribly awkward. Fantastic! I feel empty if I don't see her all day. It seems like the summer went by so quickly, and now that I'm at school it's moving at a snails pase, but A helps things move along with her fantastic humor.

Last night I stayed up until... seven in the morning working on a stupid paper. Gah! Tonight I am going to my last few classes, then heading to wal*mart to pick up some stuff and then going to bed so that I can get up in the morning. I am leaving tomorrow to go up to VT to visit B for the weekend! I am terribly excited and I can't wait to hug him. Ah! I miss just being with him. :P

oh how the time flies!

So... my summer is nearly over. It's kind of crazy how things work out. I thought this summer would fly by quickly, and I can only hope that the year disappears just the same. B-man's baptism was yesterday! It was not a day I had ever dreamed of - but it was a fantastic day none-the-less. I am so lucky to have him in my life.

Last Thursday I drove up to his place, spent the night and then left with him and his brother & sister-in-law to go up north for a family reunion. It was interesting because my family doesn't do things like that... and if they do they don't invite me. Haha. There were a bunch of people there, I saw Tom and Hope again, as well as their kiddos... I really like seeing them. We stopped at their house on the way back to Virginia for dinner.

School starts in two weeks... which seems kind of ridiculous to me! I'm not ready for that. This year should be easier - especially since I have B-man. :D

Cookies, any one?

So today I started making chocolate chip cookies... but apparently today is not my day because I could not follow the recipe to save my life! I put the sugar in with the flour, and then had to kind of separate them because they were supposed to go into separate bowls and I did not have enough flour to just "start over." Then I put the baking soda in the sugar instead of the flour, and that was kind of difficult to fix as well. I microwaved the butter too long, so I had a bowl of mess, and I had to dig out little lumps of hard brown sugar from my almost finished batter. In any case, thank goodness that chocolate chip cookies are like the weeds of the baking world, because the batter turned out just fine - and who really cares what the cookies taste like. At my house the cookies hardly ever make it into cookie form any way. lol. Right now I've got a pan in the oven, and then another pan ready to go in the oven when that one is done. We are going to have at least 30 cookies... and then some cookie dough, or maybe I will make more cookies. Who knows.

B-man is coming over after work today to meet with the missionaries for the third time. We spent the weekend together, he went to church for the second time, and we drove up to the temple and went to the visitors' center up there. Then we took a short stroll around the temple. It was super hot outside. In any case, it was a good weekend, and since we've been spending quite a bit of time together I start to go through little withdrawals when I don't see him for a couple of days in a row. School is going to be absolute torture! he's coming over today, and then on Saturday I'll drive up there for the day. We've got some important things to take care of. Woot! Then we'll probably come back down here for church on Sunday. ((*first batch of cookies is a little darker than I would've liked. Boo.*)) In a couple of weeks I'm sure I'll have more (detailed) information, but until then... I can't really write anything. lol.

Work is going well: I don't mind the crazy morning hours, I'm not sick of it, I enjoy the people I'm working with, and I have a feeling that if I play my cards the right way I could end up getting a lot of hours. lol... really I should say "If I stop being lazy I could get a ton of hours!" But I'm not really a fan of sweat. Oh well. I have three batches of cookies now, so I should probably go invest in some milk... since apparently that is not something we keep on hand for the random from-scratch cookies that often appear out of thin air around here.

Right on Target.

So things have changed a lot since my last update. I'm not going to give too much detail right now - that'll come in a couple of weeks. BUT let's just say life is good. lol. I started dating Brandan about three weeks ago... three weeks and a couple days... I dunno. It was a Tuesday. In any case, he and I go "way back." We went to high school together in Germany for two years. We were in band together and we were both in the play "A Christmas Carol." Since then we've been really great friends - almost five years now. So that is going really well. Maybe it's just because we've known each other for so long, and we just get along really well - but I really love spending time with Brandan.

Ummm... not too much else going on. I got a job at Target working the flow team, so I start work at 4 in the morning, and then I am done by 10:30 in the morning. Yeah! lol. It's a lot of work, and it's kind of tedious work, but it's a lot more entertaining than being a cashier. I'm working with some neat people, and every one was willing to help me out. At target they call the employees "team members" and when I was working the front, I really didn't feel like a part of a "team," but working with the people in the back doing flow is fantastic because every one really works together.

Other than that - my feet hurt, I'm clean because I just took a shower. I miss B-man, and I want to take a nap... but I don't think I should. Unless it really is only a nap. I mean... if I wake up in thirty minutes or an hour - that would be fine, but the way I'm feeling... I'm more likely to just sleep the rest of my day away. I need to go get my prescriptions transferred up here, and then... hmmm.... yeah. Then maybe I won't feel bad about taking a nap. I did get up at 3:20 in the morning. Boo.

So... it's not really a journal - more like a bi-yearly chronicle or something...

Guys are still dumb - but life moves on. J apologized to me the other day for all of the Spring Break drama. Not really sure how things are going to work out, but we'll see. At least we're talking again.

I'm definitely going to BYU. I didn't even bother signing up for my UT classes... so now there isn't even another option. I'M MOVING TO UTAH! Crazy - I know. But it should be good for me, the last couple of months were pretty ridiculous, so a change of pace will be good for me.

Now I'm hoooooome with my family. <3 LOVE! I've got my baby (the dog!) and we slept on the floor together last night. That is always enjoyable. Especially loving the hard wood floors. Good choice there. lol. Gretel had a bit of her own drama a week ago when a tick embedded itself in her eyelid.... yeah - kind of bad placement. So my Mama had to rescue her. Gretel's eye was all infected and so they had to go to the Doggy Clinic, but she's doing much better now. She's always so happy when I come home, it just makes me smile because she kind of gets this little jump in her step. She's so beautiful. Jimmy the fluff ball is also doing well. Ya know: growing like a weed - a very small weed. Apparently he's not going to get very big. He'll keep his annoying little bark forever. Oh joy.

In any case, just figured I should up date since I'm in a new place, doing different things. As of now I'm working a couple of little part-time jobs for people, and looking for a real job for the summer. I have a feeling I could end up at PetsMart or something of the sorts, but I'm hoping to find something better. We'll see how it goes.

Maybe I should get better at this....

Ok... so I haven't written in a while... and I need to catch up with my 365-picture journal.... maybe I should be working on that. In any case, a lot has happened in the last... 5 months. It's crazy how time flies and life changes. I'm not a teenager any more (holy cow ridiculous!) and I'm definitely facing some things that I never would've imagined. In that last 5 months I have managed to:

• Get my heartbroken: I'm very good at this because I have managed to do this twice. For some reason I only date jerks (if you think that you're a nice guy... stay away!). Oh well, I have learned a lot of things I would've been fine with out, but I'm a better person for it. Things like what to do when you've watched every chick flick you own, how to eat too much ice cream, what happens when you choose to not leave your room for 5 days in a row.
• Survive a mental breakdown: This isn't as easy as it sounds. Despite having dealt with moving around my entire life, for some reason the last two years has been a little ridiculous. Well, throw in a little extra stress, a major lack of sleep, and too much homework, and things just start to fall apart.
• First car accident: It wasn't that bad... some one tried to merge into me on I-40... well, they didn't just try, they DID. So, now I have a lovely little dent in my pretty little car. It is quite the tragedy.
• Bronchitis: I had bronchitis for a month straight... yeah.... it was awful. Thankfully my lungs are only occupied by air and tissue again (less mucus...). You don't realize how enjoyable breathing is, until it's a very hard thing to do.
• Two months physical therapy: Yeah... oh well. Apparently I have "snapping hip syndrome" and "IT Band Friction Syndrome" (ask google...). Let's just leave it at "rather painful" and thank the physical therapy for quite a bit of exercise.
  
• Nanny: She's in the hospital. She's doing a lot better right now, but she's still in a lot of pain. Keep her in yours prayers bitte!
• Transfer: I applied to BYU way back when I was beginning my mental break down. It was done in a "I hope this goes through quickly so that I can leave Tennessee ASAP" but it didn't actually work out like that. So instead I found out over Spring break that I had been accepted... right after i had decided I was probably not going to get in. So, I did get in, and now I am going. Yeah... me... moving to UTAH!!!! It should be interesting.
  

So... that's quite the list. BUT it's okay. Why? Because I know that everything I've been going through has made me a better, stronger person. I have lost some amazing friends because I was too stressed and busy worrying about things I didn't have control over. I lost friends that I really cared about, and who really cared about me. But it's okay, because it's over, and I'm back on the straight and narrow... headed to Utah.

It has been...six monthes!

Goodness, it's a good thing no one reads this journal, because I haven't written in here in forever. Mostly I am just trying to get through college right now.

The University has started referring people to Facebook for more information on events, while my roommate is driving me crazy. I have been assigned to a new room for next year, sans any roommates. So that will be nice. Paul is a missionary in Albania now! Keven is in New York, Jer is in South Africa and David is in Rio de Janiero! Crazy how fast time flies and people just.... grow up!

I feel crushed.

So, here's the deal, me and my two "best friends" were going to get an apartment together. We'll call them Kate and Sarah (sorry if that is some one's name on my flist and I didn't realize it... nothing personal), well. Kate and I have been best friends the whole year, we've been really close, and yeah, I've never connected with some one like I did with her. Sarah moved here about a month ago, and we clicked really well. She graduated last semester, and she's 21, Kate is my age.

Well, I found us a two bed room apartment for the three of us, and Kate and I were going to share a room. Well, I had everything organized, I got my parents to go along with it, even though the whole time they were kind of skeptical, telling me to be really careful, but everything seemed like it was fine. Well, on Saturday (un-known to me) Sarah went to Kate with a proposition that "Jessica doesn't NEED and apartment, she just wants it." and pretty much told Kate (who by the way, just got kicked out of her house for getting baptized, so is... sehr poor with few options) the optimatum "like with me(Sarah), and we can kick Jessica out, or find some where else to live", and Kate definitely doesn't have too many options, and had no where to stay for the summer, so she decided to stay with it. Well, they told me last night, Sarah using the excuse of "I'm just too stressed and I need my space" and yeah... i was "voted off the island"... even though it was my island.

Well, today I talked to my mom, and she said "If the paying for the summer is a problem, talk to Kate and tell her we'de be willing to pay half for the summer, and then just she and I could room together. Well, she felt bad about ditching Sarah... meanwhile, I had until 5 pm today to cancel my housing contract with the university, so pretty much she just let time run out so she didn't have to make a decision. Well, she also chose the girl she's known for a few weeks over the girl she's known the whole year.

I hope they're happy. I will be living in a single room with a complete stranger for an entire year. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to be friends with them any more, but we all have the same friends, and there is no was to avoid them unless I stop going to church.

Where is my brain?

So I titled the last entry "Icee", and I didn't even touch on that...

So yesterday I saw a girl drinking an Icee, and so i was really really craving one. Well, I walked out to my car to go to Wal*mart to get tape and another tub for my stuff, cause I'm packing up to go home. Well, on the way to the car I saw the beautiful Elyse, and stole her to go to wally-world with me. Well, on the way back we stopped at a gas station, with no luck, and so we went back to campus and went to the Pilot, and got 2 large icees for 99 cents each. :D BUT, there was no cherry... so I had to get a coke flavored one... which was not nearly as satisfying. :(

This morning at 10 ish I got up, packed a little bit more, and then called my mom, talked with her for a long time about the apartment, and then I ate lunch with Elyse... turned in her English paper for her... then called my mom and talked some more. Now I am waiting for her to check her e-mail and call me back. That is all.

ICEES!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I am trying to pack up my dorm room, and study for exams, and be cool and fun and responsible all at the same time.... not working out so well.

I got to chat with an old friend of mine. We went to middle school together, and he's on my MSN list, but I am hardly ever on there, so when he signed on, I said hello.

I also wanted to share pictures of the new apartment that I will be moving into next fall.

New Apartment